Still Growing Old

 

I recently had a humorous but telling incident on my bus ride into work. It being rush hour, the vehicle is often crowded and even standing room only, so finding a free seat is much appreciated as there’s a big difference between being able to read my book sitting down and having to stand on my feet for most if not all of the ride. 

Towards the back, I spotted an empty seat, so I slowly made my way to it, and then even more slowly eased my way into it. I say “slowly” and “even more slowly” partly because the bus was in motion for most of this act, sometimes going at a steady speed and other times starting and stopping. But mostly because that morning I found myself sore all over, so between the bus lurching back and forth and my feeling pain in multiple parts of my body, it was a chore to execute the simple (albeit multi-step) task of going from standing to sitting. 

Alas, a woman who I had to cross in front of to get to the seat got impatient with my taking my time being in her space while I was easing my butt into my seat, and in a burst of frustration yelled out, “will you hurry up?” I did my best to do so, feeling that her impatience was justified seeing as I was taking so long to do something that seemed so straightforward to do. 

Perhaps on the outside I present as a healthy young man. If I may say without getting too big a head, I do try to take care of myself physically, so I feel like I am in good shape. And, many people say I look much younger than my age. I am glad for these things and do not take for granted that they are positive characteristics that I should be happy about. 

But, while I don’t think I’m old yet, I’m certainly not young anymore. And, many days, I am feeling the physical aches of an aging body: a very sore leg that especially hurts when sitting, a sensitive ankle on my other leg that I need to be careful about, a back that smarts in multiple places, and muscles all over in random places that somehow got tweaked or strained. Hence, the slow pace to sit down, and coming from someone who people would otherwise assume is hale and hearty, cause for at least one person to snap at me to hurry up wondering why I would be so slow.

Perhaps I can learn some stretches to ease the throbbing pain in my sore leg, or my ankle and back tweaks will work themselves out if I rest them enough and otherwise take good care not to further strain them. But, I’m clearly past the age where my body can bounce back from any and every twinge. From here on out, the ailments will only pile on more, and at some point my exterior appearance will catch up to my physical age, so that people will no longer assume I’m younger and compliment me for looking good but rather simply treat me like the old man I am becoming. 

There is nothing wrong at all with being old. Indeed, growing old is often accompanied by greater happiness, as we take deeper joy in life and realize that fulfillment does not require being young and hearty. Alas, many of us will fight this, because we have lived our lives with the natural invincibility of youth, and we are scared at how vulnerable we are when we are no longer young. 

I broached this topic over 10 years ago in this post, and of course today I am 10+ years older than that musing. I have certainly aged in body and mind since then. I’m happy to say that I have largely aged well, not just that I have taken care of my body but also that I have grown wiser in my older years about things like my happiness and my limits and my blessings. I think that if that 40ish Lee were to look into the future and see me today, he would be incredibly happy to see how well I am doing in every way. 

But, the fact of the matter is, getting older is hard, and as much as I feel I’m in a good place physically and mentally, I know I will fight it at times. Here’s to doing what I can to stay healthy and happy, accepting my limitations without being sad about them, and moving as fast or slow as is good for me (and avoids being yelled at my others).