Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 383

 

Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "Crazy Rich Asians," by Kevin Kwan.

She wanted to burst into the bathroom and hold the receipt in his face while he was soaking in the tub. She wanted to scream and claw at his skin. But of course, she did no such thing. She breathed in deeply. She regained her composure. The composure that had been ingrained since the day she was born. She would do the sensible thing. She knew that there was no point making a scene, demanding an explanation. Any sort of explanation that could cause even the tiniest scratch on their picture-perfect life. She folded the receipt carefully and tucked it back into its hiding place, willing it to disappear from his wallet and from her mind. Just disappear.

“Welcome to Singapore, Rachel—where arguing about food is the national pastime,” Araminta declared. “This is probably the only country in the world where grown men can get into fistfights over which specific food stall in some godforsaken shopping center has the best rendition of some obscure fried noodle dish. It’s like a pissing contest!” 

Rachel giggled. Araminta and Colin were so funny and down-to-earth, she liked them both instantly.

“I know it makes you uncomfortable, Nick, but that’s why I’m prodding you. You’re telling me one thing, but then I hear other people speaking as if the entire economy of Asia revolves around your family, and you’re, like, the heir to the throne. I’m an economist, for crying out loud, and if I’m going to be accused of being a gold digger, I’d like to know what I’m supposedly digging for,” Rachel said bluntly. 

Nick fidgeted with the remnant of his banana leaf nervously. Since he was old enough to remember, it had been ingrained into him that any talk of the family wealth was off-limits. But it was only fair that Rachel know what she was getting herself into, especially if he was (very shortly) going to ask her to accept the canary diamond ring hidden in the lower right pocket of his cargo shorts.

“So you’ll have to understand that, as much as I love you, Nick, I don’t want to be your wife. I never want to be part of a family like yours. I can’t marry into a clan that thinks it’s too good to have me. And I don’t want my children to ever be connected to such people. I want them to grow up in a loving, nurturing home, surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who consider them equals. Because that’s ultimately what I have, Nick. You’ve seen it yourself, when you came home with me last Thanksgiving. You see what it’s like with my cousins. We’re competitive, we tease each other mercilessly, but at the end of the day we support each other. That’s what I want for my kids. I want them to love their family, but to feel a deeper sense of pride in who they are as individuals, Nick, not in how much money they have, what their last name is, or how many generations they go back to whatever dynasty. I’m sorry, but I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of being around all these crazy rich Asians, all these people whose lives revolve around making money, spending money, flaunting money, comparing money, hiding money, controlling others with money, and ruining their lives over money. And if I marry you, there will be no escaping it, even if we live on the other side of the world.” 

Rachel’s eyes were brimming with tears, and as much as Nick wanted to insist she was wrong, he knew nothing he could say now would convince her otherwise. In any part of the world, whether New York, Paris, or Shanghai, she was lost to him.

Nick turned over, facing the Venetian stucco wall with the large Hiroshi Sugimoto photograph. It was a black-and-white image from his cinema series, the interior of an old theater somewhere in Ohio. Sugimoto had left the camera shutter open for the duration of the film, so that the large screen became a glowing, rectangular portal of light. To Nick, it seemed like a portal to a parallel universe, and he wished he could just slip into all that whiteness and disappear. Maybe go back in time. To April, or May. He should have known better. He should never have invited Rachel to come here without first giving her a crash course in how to deal with his family. “Rich, Entitled, Delusional Chinese Families 101.” Could he really be part of this family? The older he got, and the more years he spent abroad, the more he felt like a stranger in their midst. Now that he was in his thirties, the expectations kept growing, and the rules kept changing. He didn’t know how to keep up with this place anymore. And yet he loved being back home. He loved the long rainy afternoons at his grandmother’s house during monsoon season, hunting for kueh tutu* in Chinatown, the long walks around MacRitchie Reservoir at dusk with his father …

“I know her, Colin. When her mind is made up there’s no going back. She’s not a sentimentalist. She’s very pragmatic, and she’s so stubborn. She’s decided that because of the way my family is, being together will never work. Can you blame her, after what they’ve done? Isn’t it ironic? Everyone thinks she’s some kind of gold digger, when she’s the complete opposite. She broke up with me because of my money.”

Meal Plan

 

I'm pleased to report I'm down 10+ percent in weight from my early pandemic high. I miss some of what I had to cut out to achieve this, namely reining in my sweet tooth. But I feel and look better, and I'm investing in the one body I've been given and that I plan to use for a very long time.

I've been blessed with good health and good metabolism in particular, and was fortunate to have parents who helped me build good habits for exercise and diet. Nevertheless, it takes effort to be healthy, and despite the humongous payoff, even someone as disciplined as I consider myself to be needed to resort to some trickery to keep honest.

Specifically, I decided to take a cue from Instagram influencers, mostly incredibly fit models and very glamorous celebs, and post my meals every night. I am by no means a foodie or a chef, preferring quantity over quality and more than happy to go cheap rather than trendy. I will admit a slight artistic bent to my pics, in terms of sweating a bit over color and lighting. But mostly it's a mundane accounting of what I ate that day.

However, that little nudge has proven to make a big difference. My goal is not to show off how pretty my food is, how rich my tastes, or how spartan my appetite. And, I still eat a goodly amount, including sweets. But, knowing I have to snap and post does create just enough of a prod to think twice about whether I need to snack in between meals or tack on a third dessert after dinner.  

Not sure how long I'll keep up this food journal or if those who follow me on social are tired of yet another spinach and mushroom omelet in the morning. So far it's worked and I'm feeling great. What do you do that helps you?

What Am I Working On

 

As has become my custom every six months, here's what I'm working on now at work. I won't repeat anything from last time that I happen to still be working on, and for confidentiality's sake I have to blur some of the details for some of these studies.

* Provide research support to inter-industry teams in multiple regions seeking to capitalize on anchor institution support of community initiatives.

* Research the effects of large-scale economic development projects on local communities, real estate markets, and commercial corridors.

* Advise a major university on its supplier diversity efforts, including establishing a baseline of historical utilization and availability from which to set goals and develop initiatives.

* Provide multi-year evaluation for a federally funded kitchen incubator in its efforts to create jobs in an economically distressed community.

* Advise a transit agency on how to use station capital improvement projects as opportunities to contemplate their role in advancing food access.

* Economic and social impact analysis for a small liberal arts school in the South.

* Economic impact update for a previous research university client of ours in the South.

* Economic impact update for a previous research university client of ours in the Northeast.

* Economic and social impact analysis for 2 Midwestern university athletics programs.

* Economic and social impact analysis for a consortium of universities in a big city.

 

Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 382

 

Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away," by Annie Duke.

By definition, anybody who has succeeded at something has stuck with it. That’s a statement of fact, always true in hindsight. But that doesn’t mean that the inverse is true, that if you stick to something, you will succeed at it. Prospectively, it’s neither true nor good advice. In fact, sometimes it’s downright destructive.

If you are able to cut your losses earlier, that’s a huge win. An added bonus is that it frees you up so you can turn your limited attention and resources to more fruitful endeavors that have a higher expected value, reducing opportunity costs. 

“If we find the Achilles’ heel,” Teller told me, “thank God we found the Achilles’ heel after $2 million instead of after $20 million.” 

Astro Teller clearly understands that quitting gets you where you want to go faster. 

The sooner you figure out that you should walk away, the sooner you can switch to something better. And the sooner that happens, the more resources you’re saving, which you can then devote to more fruitful endeavors.

When it comes to quitting, the most painful thing to quit is who you are.

Success means following a good decision process, not just crossing a finish line, especially if it is the wrong one to cross. That means appropriately following kill criteria, listening to our quitting coaches, and recognizing that the progress we’ve made along the way counts for a lot. We also need to redefine what waste is. What does it mean to waste your time or money or effort? 

Our problem is that we tend to think about these things in a backward-looking way. We feel like if we walk away from something, that means we’ve wasted everything that we put into it. 

But those are resources that are already spent. You can’t get them back. 

We need to start thinking about waste as a forward-looking problem, not a backward-looking one. That means realizing that spending another minute or another dollar or another bit of effort on something that is no longer worthwhile is the real waste.

Contrary to popular belief, winners quit a lot. That’s how they win.

Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 381

 

Here's an excerpt from a book I recently read, "Special Topics in Calamity Physics," by Marisha Pessl.

Though he certainly never said so, it was evident Dad adored being in motion, in transit, in the midst. He found standstills, halts, finishing points, termini, to be unappetizing, dull. Dad wasn’t concerned with the fact that he was seldom at a university long enough to learn his students’ names and was forced, for the sake of assigning their grades correctly at the end of term, to give them certain pertinent monikers, such as Too Many Questions, Tadpole Glasses, Smile Is All Gums and Sits on My Left.

A Pluralistic Democracy, If You Can Keep It

 

The story of America, for all its flaws and traumas, is a truly grand experiment some 250 years in the making, drawing from influences that date far older than that, and seeking to bring out the best of a collective 330 million unique individuals from all walks of life.

Our diversity is a common source of friction but clearly our greatest marker of strength. Yet it is something we must actively strive for and not take for granted.

I have taken to using the phrase "pluralistic democracy" to describe our country at its best. "Pluralistic" meaning that we are all different, in our viewpoints and pains and aspirations. "Democracy" in that how we, as a pluralistic society, navigate public issues is through a certain process rather than through brute force or historical lineage.

A pluralistic democracy is an amazing organism, one for the world to watch and emulate. Yet it is a vulnerable and endangered one, to be protected and nurtured lest it become fatally wounded.

When we attempt to discredit, erase, or shout down someone because they are of a different "tribe" than us, we are rending the fabric of what makes us us. When we surround ourselves with others who think like us and then deny the existence, voice, or value of others who think differently, we are reenacting long-standing patterns of dehumanization and paternalism that tear at our moral core. 

By the way, read the paragraph above and ask yourself if you immediately thought of the sins of "the other side" rather than your own. Perhaps you are truly above reproach. I know I am not. 

The American experiment, 250 years in the making, requires a constant vigilance from everyone to be their true selves but in doing so to become better selves every day, by engaging in pluralism and democracy within our communities, however hard it might be and at the risk of being a lone voice in the wilderness. We find ourselves within a pluralistic democracy, an amazing creation to be a part of, if we can keep it.

Time and Money, Circa 2023

 

The last time I did a "time and money" post, in 2019, I did not own any rental properties, was not president of my company, and hadn't taken up golf. What a difference four years make! Let's jump right into the allocations:

Time:

Sleep 30% (30% in 2019)
Work 30% (35%)
Kid errands like bedtime, meals, shuttling 15% (15%)
Prayer, church 2.5% (2.5%)
Adult errands like paperwork, chores, house 10% (7.5%)
Adult fun like dates, leisure, exercise 10% (7.5%)
Family fun like outings, board games 2.5% (2.5%)

"Work" in 2019 included school board so I actually work my day job more now than before but my civic time has decreased considerably. This free time has been filled up by administrative things related to my rental properties as well as golf.

Money (*** = incl for rental properties):

Taxes*** 25% (30% in 2019)
Saving for retirement, college 10% (20%)

Giving to church, charities 5% (10%)
Mortgage/transportation*** 25% (10%)
Utilities/telecom*** 5% (5%)
Child care 2.5% (5%)
Groceries, personal care 7.5% (10%)
Home furnishing/maintenance*** 10% (2.5%)
Health care 5% (2.5%)
Leisure, discretionary 5% (5%)

 

Adding 4 rental properties to the mix has meant more revenues and also more expenditures, scrambling the proportions a bit. Child care is down but health care is up as the kids get older.  

We'll check back in 4 years. In the meantime, what are your allocations?

A Leader's Job

 

I had a great relationship with my first boss but could not have fully appreciated how foundational her influence was on my future leadership. Della Clark deserves so many superlatives so for me to go on and on does not even do justice to her impact in Philadelphia and beyond. This post is a narrow slice of her wisdom, as impressed upon a then 22 year old kid.

Many times Della would articulate for me what a leader's job was, and without fail she would exemplify this day in and day out with how she carried herself and what she focused on. I consider most of this transferable to any organization of any size, and for sure it has shaped how I approach my current job as a president in a consulting firm.

1. Set the direction. Articulate where we aspire to go as an organization, and then get and do work that is consistent with that aspiration.

2. Invest in people. Recruit good people, take care of them, and set the standard in how you carry yourself and what you expect of them.

2. Run the business in accordance with #1 and #2. Finances? Operations? HR? Marketing? All led from the lens of the vision you've articulated and the prioritization of people in fulfilling that vision.

Leadership is hard and not surprisingly it is scarce. Thankful to have examples in abundance in my first job in life, to help me do my second and current job.