TAKING A LIL' BREAK

For the first time since I started blogging in early February, I'm going to be taking a little break from this online journal. For the next couple of weeks, I'll be out of town -- first for pleasure, then for business -- and away from Internet access. I'll miss having these five to fifteen minutes each day, rapping away about some random musing from today's events. I do much of my thinking, processing, and figuring out by writing. I guess I'll have to figure out some other avenue for doing these important things during this break. See you in a couple of weeks.

DAVID AND GOLIATH

On my run yesterday (Good Friday), I passed College Green on the PENN campus, where eleven Good Friday's ago I took on one of the most esteemed professors on campus, in a battle of Christian apologetics. He won, decisively.

His name was Robert Davies, and he was one of PENN's most celebrated faculty members. Highly pedigreed and with a resume bursting with awards and accolades, Professor Davies was one of PENN's elite. He was also an ardent non-Christian.

I didn't know any of this when I sidled up to him on Good Friday 1992. It was my freshman year, and in what would become a tradition on campus for at least a few years, Christian groups gathered on the Green to sing praise songs, share testimonies, and engage the campus on the topic of Jesus.

A man in a tweed blazer looked solemnly upon these proceedings, huddled under an umbrella and holding some electronic device. (I found out later he was measuring sound levels, so that if things got out of hand, he could report us to the campus authorities.) I decided to take a chance and approach him. I introduced myself and told him what was going on. He seemed to know already, and continued to frown.

We soon got into a discussion on religion and spirituality. I was going to win this guy for the Kingdom, darn it! But Professor Davies had an answer for every answer I had, and had questions for me that I didn't even know were questions to ask. I didn't leave our conversation questioning my faith, but nor did I feel I had any impact on helping Professor Davies see something different than what he'd always seen.

My Christian friends were whispering to each other as I left this conversation and headed towards them. "Don't you know who that is?" Ignorance is bliss. I didn't know, nor had I cared when I first approached the man under the umbrella. Perhaps if I did, I wouldn't have dared taken that step.

The next year, Professor Davies passed away. The campus paper eulogized him, recounting his many achievements and celebrating his impact on the campus. Even though I'd only met him once, I too was saddened. In reading about him in the paper and hearing about him from friends of mine, I sensed that this was truly a great man. He did much in his life, not only accomplishing much in his field but also making a difference in many peoples' lives. He would truly be missed.

And yet I was also saddened because we had a moment together, a moment that reflected his lifelong opinion of God and spirituality. And I knew his heart was hard towards things eternal. For all the richness in our lives and the number of our days, eternity is, well, forever. And for all Professor Davies did in this life for this life and this world, I didn't know if he had done anything to prepare himself for the eternal. And that made me sad.

LETTER TO CONGRESSIONAL REPRESENTATIVES

(Every three months or so, I write to my two PA senators and my Congressional representative. I usually rotate between three topics -- world hunger, mental health, and youth entrepreneurship -- to let my reps know that at least one of their constituents is interested in these subjects, and to seek support of any specific legislation in these areas. But this quarter, with President Bush shifting his priorities from war in Iraq to the domestic economy, I wanted to put my two cents in on that topic.)

Dear (insert name),

For the past three months or so, I have been reluctantly pro-war. I do not believe there is any glory in war, but I do believe there are some things worth fighting for. So in that regard, I salute our troops for fighting with selfless courage, single-minded purpose, and (from what I've heard) necessary restraint. And I salute our President for being willing to think big and act big, towards a big goal: the defeat of terrorism and the advancement of democracy.

With the President now shifting his focus from warfare in Iraq to the economy on the home front, I want to urge you to consider the second front in this war on terrorism and this campaign to spread democracy. Whether at home or abroad, public and private acts of mercy, compassion, and aid are, in my opinion, the "soft love" approach that, in unison with the "tough love" approach, disarm evildoers and foster open societies.

To be specific, America has demonstrated what it stands for with its soldiers, missiles, and tanks; now it is time to demonstrate what it stands for with its social workers, rehabilitation clinics, and aid programs. I do not believe in a society sloughing off its obligation to compassion to a big and benevolent government, but nor do I believe that a massive tax cut for the wealthy will provide the economic stimulus to "raise all boats."

With the exception of the elimination of double taxation on dividends (a necessary reform, I believe, which will make it harder for corporations to play funny with their financial statements), I am against major tax cuts at this time. I think I can speak for the majority of Americans when I say we are less interested in "having more money to spend and save," and more interested in participating in a worldwide work of mercy for the downtrodden and freedom for the oppressed.

The President has courageously and (I believe) correctly surmised that we have an opportunity to do something great. Big plans require big budgets. Giving money back to the richest people in the richest country, and then waiting (hoping) for it to trickle down is not our best option. Let's not lose this momentum, or let this window of opportunity close. Let's continue to think big and act big, for the reputation of this great nation and for the sake of relief and liberation, both across the street and around the world.

Regards,



Lee Huang

ALL AROUND THE WORLD

When I first started working at The Enterprise Center, I remember writing down a list of goals. One of them was that I'd stay there at least two years, and soak up as much knowledge as possible about urban economic development, so that I could take that experience wherever in the world God had me go next. Here was a perfect example of my idealism and planning coming together: goals for learning for two years, with the hope that God would send me overseas to use those skills and be available for His work.

This July will be eight years at The Enterprise Center for me. I've fallen in love with Philadelphia, bought a house, and created a youth program within the organization that I intend to run for awhile. But here's the irony: since I've taken over our consulting department, I've gotten a chance to cultivate opportunities to be sent to faraway communities and apply my experience to helping organizations to start and run programs similar to ours.

Just this month, for example, I've been working on potential clients in Brunei, Canada, Hungary, Kenya, Nigeria, Rwanda, and Singapore. There is great interest all around the world in setting up business incubation programs which can help communities build a base of emerging entrepreneurs. And I am getting opportunities to help out.

I look back on the idealistic goals I set after graduation sometimes and think, "How naive I was back then!" And yet, God back then was listening to at least one of those goals/prayers, and is now beginning to answer.

LEADERS MAKE MISTAKES: BIG ONES, AND LOTS OF 'EM

One of my recently acquired leisure activities is reading biographies of great leaders. I want to be a great leader, and I feel like the more biographies I read, the greater insight I can have into the life and mind of great leadership. One of the things I've noticed in these biographies is that leaders make mistakes. Big ones, and lots of 'em. Their lives are often boiled down to about a handful of decisions each year, and maybe they get half to two-thirds of them right. There are often high proportions of followers, sometimes even more than half, that don't like them.

This is at once freeing and distressing for me to discover. On the one hand, if I am honest with myself, I admit that I want to be perfect, and I want everyone to like me. But on the other hand, it is wonderfully liberating to know great leaders don't have to be perfect, nor do they have to be liked by everyone. If I look back on 2003, I'll probably remember 5-10 major decisions I had to make. And if I get three out of five good, or seven out of ten, that's a good year.

I thought of this today because we concluded our three-day business camp for young entrepreneurs. This is the tenth such camp we've done in the past five years, and the first that I didn't run; my interim director took charge on this one. The first nine that I was in charge of, I drove myself and my team to eliminate any errors. I had this down to the minutae of detail; I didn't want to leave any stone unturned in preparing the perfect camp for these youth. If we took care of 98 out of 100 things on a given day, I would remember the two we missed, so that we didn't forget next time.

This time around, though, I was just another volunteer. Someone else was running the show; I was just sitting at a table, working with the five or six kids on my team. And every so often, I caught a mistake: a typo in the curriculum binder, a scheduling of activities that I didn't agree with, an activity that took too long. And I was OK with it. The event went on, even if it didn't go exactly as we had planned it, and even if something happened that we hadn't anticipated.

My new perspective on business camps, I feel, has been flavored by my insight from these biographies: leadership isn't about getting 100 out of 100; it's about distilling your decision-making focus to four or five things, and then getting at least two or three of those right. To be sure, details are important: it's not like the leader is too important to fuss with such lowly things. Rather, I'm learning I can be free to have just a few things on my mind, not hundreds, and that I can make a lot of mistakes, even big ones, and even ones that make people unhappy with me. How liberating!

GETTING AHEAD, FALLING BEHIND

My post from yesterday got zapped by a lost Internet connection, so I'm going to have to try to resurrect my thoughts from a day ago. Inevitably, this post'll be inferior to whatever I wrote yesterday. Oh well.

The subject's important enough that it bears repeating, rather than moving on to another topic. We're in the middle of a business camp for young entrepreneurs, and almost all of the speakers we've invited have congratulated our students for taking the time during their spring break to learn and network. "When I was your age, I wasn't thinking about this kind of stuff; you guys are way ahead."

While I applaud these encouragements -- our youth need to hear this, and need to be pushed to do more of this kind of stuff -- I can't help but be a little uncomfortable. Sure, participants in our camp are getting ahead; who else this week is doing something as intellectually rigorous? But in many regards, the youth we work with are desperately behind.

They are behind because of a public school system that fails to challenge them educationally, and thus leaves them ill-prepared to consider college, let alone survive in a cutthroat collegiate environment. They are behind because as inner-city blacks, they are systematically denied fair opportunities for employment, advancement, and capital. (Don't get me started on the fallacy of affirmative action being considered racist; it is because all of us as individuals, and our society as a whole, is subconsciously racist that we need to have measures in place like affirmative action in order to counterbalance our systemic racism and offer disenfranchised people groups a fair shake on our nation's educational, financial, and vocational opportunities.) And they are behind because many of them struggle to survive under the weight of abusive homes, violent streets, and family substance addiction, which slowly leeches away brain cells, emotional foundation, and hope.

To be sure, compared to their local peers, our youth are getting ahead. But compared to their national peers, with whom they will be competing for the next 50-60 years for educational opportunities, job titles, and business opportunities, they are woefully behind. Many of our youth have no clue, locked as they are in their tiny worlds; while they may acknowledge that other kids in America have more opportunities and resources at their disposal, they may not fully grasp the ramifications of the head start such things offer towards getting a degree, landing a high-skilled job, or starting a flourishing enterprise.

So again, let me raise my dilemma: is it good to tell our students they are getting ahead, or do we have an obligation to tell them they are falling behind?

WHAT DID WE PRAY ABOUT ON APRIL 13, 2003?

I got to help out in the pulpit at this morning's worship service at church. I thought it would be interesting to document here what we prayed about as a congregation, just to get a sense of the things that were important to us on that given day. These were the items that I prayed, on behalf of our congregation; most were suggested to me by our pastor, who had accumulated them from conversations and requests he had over the course of the past week:

* peace in Iraq, a swift resolution to all the anarchy and violence, and comfort in the sovereignty and power of God who reigns over this and all world situations

* four children in our church, who have completed confirmation class and will be confirmed at next week's Resurrection Sunday service

* Friendship Sunday, a special date we designate twice a year to invite newcomers and to treat everyone to a picnic (we prayed for this particular gathering, as well as for our congregation to always be in welcoming and inviting mode)

* the many elderly people we have in our midst, who have given our church so much faith and wisdom and perspective and service over the years

* the Caldwell family, who are leaving this Friday to the Philippines to pick up their adopted son, Gary, and bring him back to America

* the many Holy Week observations our church building will host in the next seven days

So there you have it. I must've prayed for 3-5 minutes, and then I sat down and the morning service went on. May God bring answers to these and other requests, that bless us and that bring glory to His Name.

YOU FOOL

In my morning devotions, I've arrived at one of my all-time favorite Bible passages: Luke 12. For all the times I've pored over it, prayed over it, wanted it to soak into my life, I also know that it is the kind of passage that you sometimes prefer to skip over. I'm writing about it tonight, in the hopes that I will not skip over it, but seek to apply it to my life.

Jesus is teaching the masses when a dude interrupts him and asks him to mediate a financial conflict he's having with a family member. Jesus uses the interruption as an opportunity to tell a story about money. He talks of a businessperson whose venture does well one year, and decides to build a bigger barn, store up his excess profits, and spread out the bounty over the foreseeable future.

Sounds like the most rational thing in the world to do, right? Jesus calls this man a fool -- in the Greek, this word means foaming and frothing. As a businessperson myself, and one who tries to be shrewd and far-sighted in his financial planning, this passage challenges me. What I derived from it this morning was that what seems totally logical in a world without God is totally illogical in a world governed by Him. Without God, it makes all the sense in the world to take measures to take care of yourself for the long haul.

Jesus goes on to describe, rather, that while those who don't know God have every right to worry about such things, those who do know God need not worry, for God takes care of His own. In a world with God, then, we are to seek first His kingdom -- conceivably with our money, just as much as with anything else of ours -- and let God take care of things like how much money we'll have next year.

I've never sure what to make of this passage. Would Jesus be against savings, retirement planning, and budgeting? Am I to give all extra money away during good years, and hope fully in God's provision during bad years? At the very least, I can conclude that just because something is reasonable from a secular perspective doesn't mean it's not foolish from a divine perspective. May I be soft-hearted enough to not rationalize this lesson away. Rather, as I probe myself and my motives, God's Word and His lessons, may I be willing to live as one who knows Him, and act accordingly. Even and especially with my money.

AMERICAN AND CHRISTIAN

Two war-related articles caught my eye in yesterday's paper. One talked about footage of Marines temporarily draping a US flag over a statue of Saddam Hussein. The other talked about the eagerness of evangelical Christian groups to enter Iraq for humanitarian and proselytizing purposes. Both articles were fearful of the negative PR: would the world think this was a matter of conquest rather than liberation, a war against Islam rather than a war against an oppressive dictator?

Compounding matters is the fact that our president is American and Christian in all of the worst ways, in the eyes of his opponents. He is from Texas, and had never left the country before he became president. He is evangelical, bold about his faith, and apt to using loaded religious terms like "evildoers" and "crusade."

As an American and a Christian, it matters to me how America and Christianity is portrayed. America need not be ashamed of its might. But it needs to be more humble about its past mistakes and more careful about how it is perceived by others. Right or wrong, many people hate America. Rather than coming across as a haughty superpower and saying, "That's their problem," America needs to take some responsibility of its own; some of this is a matter of managing its image, and some of this is matter of doing the right thing.

Christians believe that humans are fallen: sinful, rebellious against God, and dead in trespasses. Miraculously and mercifully, God has made a way, through the life and death of His only begotten Son, Jesus, who, though He was born a Jew, represents salvation for all people who will confess their waywardness and follow Him. Christianity is not an American or Western thing; in fact, it all started in the Middle East, and today, spectacular growth in Asia, Africa, and South America has shifted this world faith's center from West back to East.

I am saddened by the many misrepresentations of the Christian faith, whether it be fundamentalists bashing other religions or missionaries who think people whose message is more about Westernizing people than it is about pointing them to Jesus. I am also saddened that Christians sometimes are apologetic and downright hypocritical about their faith. The Bible is clear that Jesus is the only way to salvation; I'm sorry if you're offended by this, but this is what I read in my Bible. Does this mean we are mean to people from other religions, think more highly of ourselves, and demean people just because they have a different faith and culture background from us? Absolutely not. But nor does our world's current landscape mean we must backpedal and be uncomfortable about the absolute nature of our beliefs.

The Bible tells of holy wars, and on more than one occasion praises people for killing those who have done wrong or have chosen not to follow the one true God. Does this justify killing Muslims simply because they are Muslims? Absolutely not. But nor does it give us justification to be revisionist in our read of the Bible. I am uncomfortable about a lot of passages in the Bible; some I wish didn't exist, quite honestly. But I'm not going to lie and say that Islamic religious texts speak of jihad and Christian texts don't. It's not my job to sugar-coat the Bible, or to steer people to some passages and hope to God they don't read others.

After 9/11, there was a lot of talk in Christian circles about how this was an unprecented opportunity for evangelism. I don't totally agree. To the extent that our world was rocked, which made us think about life and death and what's really important, to be sure that is a great entree for discussing matters of faith and salvation. But I think this is tempered by the fact that we have become more ashamed of our faith. We don't like that people kill over religion, and we're afraid to admit that Christians have done the same, both in the Bible and in history.

People hate us because we're American and Christian, and they've jumbled those two things together. And so have we. My own personal mandate, and what I hope is a mandate for all American Christians, is that we will not be lazy in our thinking, revisionist in our understanding of our historical track records, or too boastful or too shy about future work. Rather, we will be honest with our past mistakes, unashamed of who we are, and better representatives to the world of what it truly means to be American and Christian.

TELLING A BALANCED STORY

There's been a very interesting ongoing conversation going on over the future site of the Constitution Center in downtown Philadelphia. The city wants to renovate the area to present a modernized attraction for visitors to learn more about Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, and the signing of the Declaration of Independence and the creation of the Constitution. But many are asking for more time to do more archeological work; it seems that some of new edifices would be built on top of George Washington's slave quarters. How juicy and ironic!

Today, in my leadership class, the executive director from the Christ Church Preservation Trust gave us the scoop on a historical burial site's grand re-opening later this month. There you'll find, among other famous tombstones, the epitaphs of Benjamin Franklin and Benjamin Rush. Now, B. Franklin is about as luminous as it gets for Philadelphia; but B. Rush was no less a superstar. His contributions to medicine and psychiatry are well-documented, as are his role in both local and national politics during the Revolutionary War era.

He also held some views about race that were controversial at the time, and highly offensive when viewed from a modern lens. He believed, for example, that being black was a disease to be cured, and a sign of inferiority. In fact, the many deeds he did on behalf of contemporary African-Americans, which are applauded by today's fans of Rush, sprung forth from this attitude of black inferiority and white superiority.

I asked the executive director about this and he agreed that a balanced story was what needed to be told, rather than a sanitized version. He also explained that the important thing about telling components of Rush's story, and all of his famous graveyard-mates for that matter, was to tell the good and the bad in the context of the times in which he lived. Not to excuse Rush's racism, but better to tell it in context of the prevailing attitudes whites had about blacks back in the day.

The cemetery opens again to the public later this month; I will be out of town for the grand opening, but I look forward to seeing how the story of Benjamin Rush is told. He is still a hero in my book, but I will be leery if his dark side is conveniently glossed over or rationalized.

NO EMAIL

Our email server has been down for over twenty-four hours. I feel like I've been disconnected from my umbilical cord. From a personal and professional standpoint, this is true. Because I work from home, email is how I conduct 75% of my interactions with staff and clients -- I've even come to use email to exchange witty and sarcastic remarks with co-workers, now that we no longer gather around the proverbial water cooler. Most of my friends are scattered around the world; I hear from them, much more often than not, via email.

Among the many amazing things the Internet was supposed to do: 1) replace TV as the predominant information network for the latest news, and 2) replace the personal touch in business and personal relationships. Oh for two in my book. TV is it, while the Internet has lagged way behind during elections, tragedies, and wars. And our dependence on email has only made the personal touch that much more powerful and necessary.

Still I get a little antsy when access to email has been cut off for more than a day. Who's waiting to hear back from me about an urgent business item? And who sent me important personal news that I haven't yet gotten a chance to digest? I gotta know. Plus, at this rate, who can fathom the volume of junk mail that's waiting me once I finally get access!

BOOK IDEA

A major business trip I've been trying to schedule looks like it's been postponed to May or even June, so I've had time lately to work on a book idea I've been tossing around for almost a year. Currently titled "Somewhere in Between," this book will hope to offer a Biblical perspective for newcomers to urban ministry. The "somewhere in between" comes from my own journey as an urban disciple, as I have found it useful for my long-term sustainability to find a middle ground between the two extremes of many spiritual, personal, and political issues.

Tentatively, the format will be as follows: twelve chapters, each containing nine devotionals where I exposit from key Bible passages and add any other relevant insights I can think of. Rather than writing a normal book that flows from beginning to end, or compiling a series of loosely related devotionals, I've decided on (surprise) a middle ground: use a devotional format, but organized under twelve chapter topics.

Here are those twelve chapter topics:

SECTION ONE: A CITYWIDE LOOK
Chapter One: Love For City (Has God abandoned cities, or is He only there?)
Chapter Two: Sin (Is sin a matter of personal choice of systemic evil?)
Chapter Three: Race (Is race no longer an issue, or is it the only issue?)

SECTION TWO: A GODWARD LOOK
Chapter Four: Shalom (What does God want for our cities?)
Chapter Five: Win Souls or Seek Justice (Are we to do evangelism or kingdom-building?)
Chapter Six: Jesus (What can Jesus teach us about urban ministry?)

SECTION THREE: AN INWARD LOOK
Chapter Seven: Calling (How do I discern God's will for my life?)
Chapter Eight: Roots (What's my anchor amidst success and failure, acceptance and rejection?)
Chapter Nine: Compassion Fatigue (Do I guard myself from burnout or pour myself out recklessly?)

SECTION FOUR: AN OUTWARD LOOK
Chapter Ten: Somewhere in Between (Why do I not feel at home in either my new or old cultures?)
Chapter Eleven: Urban Partnerships (What partners -- church, secular, friends -- do I need?)
Chapter Twelve: Trauma Theory (What is it and why is it relevant to urban ministry?)

Hopefully, it is evident that there are many opportunities to speak to this feeling of "somewhere in between" in the chapter topics above. So far, I've picked out the 108 passages from which I will write, and have thought of the general direction I want to take each one. Progress has been slow so far, and I find myself battling between wanting to plow through this project and realizing the need to prayerfully consider it. I would appreciate your prayers, too, as well as any insights or advice you want to send my way.

SNOW

It is the seventh day of April and the eighteenth day of spring. And it is snowing here in Philadelphia. Just when we thought we'd rid ourselves of bitter winds and sub-freezing conditions, the white flakes are falling from the sky again. It really does feel like a snow day, too, as my wife is home sick, nursing a very sore throat and other symptoms from whatever has stricken half the kids at her workplace.

It occured to me, as I was cursing through shivers on my two-minute walk to the drugstore down the street to pick up a prescription for Amy, that most of the world has to go much further than two minutes to get the kind of medicine I was picking up. What I was ruing as an inconvenience is actually a great convenience, and one of the perks of living in the developed world.

I wonder how many other things in my daily life that I complain about I should actually be thankful for.

FORGOT TO DO THE ONE THING

My usual morning devotional time got severely curtailed today. Having driven four hours home from Richmond yesterday, and having to unpack and catch up from being out of town, I was ruing that this was the weekend that an hour was being taken from everyone. I really could've used that extra sixty minutes of sleep, I told myself, as I rolled myself out of bed.

I had to return my rental car this morning, and, since I was helping serve communion, I'd have to put on a shirt and tie. After the morning service, I hit the drugstore on the way home to pick up some batteries for our smoke detectors. I got home and replaced the batteries, and checked the two fire extinguishers we have in the house. While I was on my way up and down the stairs, I used the opportunity to return things to their proper place: laundry down to the basement, measuring tape back to the toolbox, and a ladder up and then down the stairs, to reach one of the smoke detectors.

Finally, I sat down at my desk, at around 1:30pm. I opened my Bible to the place I had gotten to in Luke, even while I was considering what I wanted to eat for lunch and what other errands needed to be done before the day ended. I moved my eyes to the passage. Luke 10:38-42. Of course. The story of Martha and Mary.

Martha's doing exactly what a woman was expected to do back in the day when company came over: get something ready to eat in the kitchen, all the while doing a little tidying up. Mary's doing exactly what a woman was not expected to do back in the day when company came over: be among the men. She's at Jesus' feet, no less: not even not keeping herself from the group, but being right up front. Scandalous! Martha bangs the pots a few times to get everyone's attention, and finally, exasperated, appeals to Jesus: "Tell Mary to get in here and do what she's supposed to do!"

Far from doing so, Jesus gently assures Martha that she's doing too much, and that Mary, actually, is in the right. Imagine that. And me, after a Martha-like morning, in the midst of a Martha-like life, I had to pause myself and think about that. For all my responsibilities and worries and activities, do I really believe that the one necessary thing to do is to sit at Jesus' feet? As an urban Christian, I must; for the needs are great, and without time at the feet of our Master, we are destined to be as exasperated, frustrated, and embittered as Martha. May we be more like Mary, for the pleasure of our God and for the sustainability of our urban discipleship.

MORE ON CALL

It was well that I wrote a couple of blogs recently on calling. Today, I spoke in Richmond at a conference that helps young Christians determine their vocational calling. Students could select from a number of workshop tracks, including the elderly, youth ministry, and counseling. Each track had a speaker that represented a church perspective and another that represented some sort of minitry outside the walls of a church.

I was paired with a youth director, and we hosted four sessions, each with five students. We had some really interesting, and hopefully useful, dialogue. Discussion topics included pursuing a vocation in youth ministry, setting relational boundaries, and spiritual gifts and personality types that youth workers need. The young participants, all in high school or college, seemed genuinely interested in discerning what God's will was for their lives and their careers. Each was as idealistic as a young person should be, while at the same time asking practical questions like "What schooling did you need?" and "How do you spend a typical work week?"

It's funny, but as I continue to explore my own personal calling, I am finding that it may have something to do with helping others explore theirs. Call it a meta-calling: a calling about calling. Anyone answering?

TENDENCY TO GOSSIP

It frightens me how much I want to use this space to gossip. No, not the kind of gossip that you think of when you see supermarket tabloids: "Did you know that so-and-so likes so-and-so?" "And so-and-so and so-and-so's marriage is on the rocks?" I was never really into that.

I'm talking more like nasty thoughts or unfavorable opinions that I have towards certain people: "What they said was hurtful to me." "That was the stupidest thing I'd ever seen." "I don't like her." These kinds of thoughts come up. And you can do two things with them: 1) tell the person, or 2) don't. So if you decide on #2, you can then decide to a) keep it in, or b) tell someone else. And like I said, it's frightening how easily I want to decide on B. I think that's gossip.

By and large, it's probably right to just have your beef with the person. It's always better to go to the face than to go behind the back. But sometimes, you just have a passing thought, not worth sharing to anyone. Disciplined and godly people, I believe, learn to let these stray thoughts pass. Shallow and insecure people tend to want to vent them to others.

I don't like that I can be this shallow and insecure. But it strikes me how quickly my thoughts will turn this way, when I sit down and decide what I want to blog about today.

JESUS, ACCORDING TO J.LO

I want to pick up on this issue of the seduction of popularity, which I talked about in yesterday's blog, and which has now come up three mornings in a row in my study of the gospel of Luke. Three times in the ninth chapter, Jesus is the subject of popular adoration. And three times, He responds by saying hard things about what it really means to follow Him, and where He Himself is going. Let me paraphrase these three incidents:

9:18-27 -- Peter: "Jesus, You're the One!" Jesus: "I must suffer, be rejected, and be killed; if you want to follow Me, you have to do the same."

9:37-45 -- crowd: "Jesus, You're amazing for being able to heal that demon-possessed boy." Jesus: "Make no mistake, I'm still going to be betrayed and sentenced."

9:57-62 -- follower: "Jesus, I'll follow You wherever You go." Jesus: "I have no place that I call home."

Three times, the crowd is fawning over Jesus. And three times, Jesus says things so difficult that you wonder if He is intentionally trying to decrease His fan base. Have you ever met a charismatic religious leader that was trying to decrease his fan base? This is the seduction of popularity: we can seek more of it, rather than seeking to do what we are called to do.

As J. Lo might put it, "Don't be fooled by the rocks that He's got; He's still He's still Jesus on the cross." No matter how popular Jesus got with the people, He knew His purpose in life was to die. Thank God He did not give into the seduction of popularity. He's still He's still Jesus on the cross.

CALLING

What is one's calling? Is it what you're good at? Where the need is greatest? Where the doors are open? Where there is the most receptivity? The least? Where you are enjoying your greatest successes? Or your greatest failures?

Let's take a look at each of these possibilities. All of them flavor one's discernment of divine calling. But I believe none of them, by themselves, is an accurate barometer of calling.

Talents: To be sure, God gives us talents, that we are to use for His glory. Some are spiritual gifts, apportioned by the Holy Spirit, like preaching or mercy. Others are natural skills, like law or mathematics, which are no less useful for the Kingdom. It is incomplete, though, to say that just because I am good at something, it is automatically assumed that is my vocation and calling. The Bible is full of people and stories which illustrate what we might called "unfulfilled potential." Joseph, Moses, Daniel, and Paul were brilliantly minds, who used their minds in secular and religious ways, to the glory of God; but they didn't accomplish all in this world that they could've, because they gave so much of themselves and their time to things that didn't matter so much for this world -- but mattered everything for eternity. Jesus repeatedly challenged His followers to leave things behind -- careers, family, livelihoods -- for the sake of the gospel. Jesus Himself, of all humans, had unlimited natural and spiritual skills; but often left throngs wanting for His healing, so He could move on to another village.

Need: This is even more seductive of a possibility that talent. It seems so noble to go where the need is greatest, and indeed, it is telling that in many ways, we Christians are poorly allocated in our efforts to win souls and seek justice. But meeting needs can become an idol unto itself. Again, Jesus is our Exhibit A: while He stated He came to preach and heal, He left many cities and people where He could've done a lot of preaching and healing, instead committing Himself to twelve men, to going to Jerusalem, and to dying on a cross. To say that our calling is to simply go where there is need that we can meet is to 1) make ourselves too important; and 2) keep ourselves busy meeting needs and feeling good about ourselves, but not necessarily fulfilling our divine calling.

Open doors, great success, receptivity: Success and popularity are awfully seductive. Of the many things I marvel about Jesus, what impresses me the most is His ability to remain true to self and mission in the midst of overwhelming popularity and crushing opposition. An open door simply means you CAN do something, no more and no less. It doesn't tell you anything about whether you should or shouldn't. Similarly, success and popularity aren't always accurate barometers of whether you are doing the right thing. There were times in the lives of the Bible's great ones -- Abraham, Moses, David, and Jesus -- when they were doing the right thing, and it sure didn't look successful or popular. But it needed to be done.

Closed doors, failure, rejection: The opposite can seem like confirmation, too. "Opposition means I'm doing the right thing, because Satan is not pleased." Perhaps. But just as the existence of success doesn't not confirm correct paths, neither does the absence of it. To be sure, failure and rejection don't necessarily mean you're on the wrong path; but they also don't tell you that you aren't. Closed doors could mean a "no" from God. You could fail or be rejected because this isn't what you were made to do. By itself, such things can't answer that burning question inside me: what is the purpose of my life?

So what is it? How do you discern calling? I believe it comes from being in relationship with God, dwelling on His greatness, feeding on His richness, delighting in His presence. To be close to the Father is to have His heart rub off on you. And that nearness -- beholding turning into becoming -- will translate into a passion inside you that you simply cannot shed. Perhaps it is for cross-cultural pioneering work among peoples who have never heard of the name of Jesus. Perhaps it is for seeking justice for society's oppressed. Perhaps it is pastoring a church or teaching kindergarten or coaching high school girls basketball. It is impossible to feed from the divine without emerging with a burning passion to do something in this world that helps glorify God and bring His Kingdom closer to reality here on earth.

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart," is not a me-first verse: "I'll do my thing with God, so that I can get what I want." It is a basking in the greatness that is God, so that your desires becomes His for you. To behold is to become. I believe this is the essence of calling: take in all of who God is. Then you will know what your life purpose is. And your heart and soul will not rest until it is accomplished in your lifetime.