An Attitude of Gratitude

 

As we near the end of the year, many of us feel more and more pressure. Holiday hustle and bustle, logistics to tend to, maybe family dynamics…it’s a lot to pile onto our already frazzled nerves. 

Let me take a step back. All too often, one partner (usually the guy) is sailing through, leaving the other to pick up even more slack. I hope that in the year of our Lord 2024 couples are willing to be more equitable in bearing the load when it comes to gifts, travel, and other end-of-year to-do’s. 

But, I would also like to argue that, more than rebalancing loads, everyone should actively practice an attitude of gratitude. We can still be ambitious, strive for perfection, and have high standards. But we can also choose thankfulness over complaint, cherishing over envy, serenity over anxiety. 

This will mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people. Far be it from me to know what that is for you or speak a word into your situation. But, I’m saying this to myself as much as anyone else, we can be thankful this season. Let’s try to do so. It doesn’t directly solve our problems, but maybe it’ll ease our ability to broach them. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

One Person’s Take on Best US Cities to Live In

 

 As a city lover and aspiring real estate guru, I’m a sucker for these quizzes that purport to tell you what is the perfect city for you to live in. Some are more rigorous, others less serious, but they are all a bit of a window into what you prioritize in a residence and what city best suits those preferences. 

Of course, different people’s preferences are different. Indeed, any one person’s own preferences evolve over time, as you go from young to old, single to having kids, being all about the night life to being early to bed. That’s the fun of these quizzes, is that they try to take your unique preferences at this present point in time and match you with the perfect city for you for now. 

So it’s a fool’s errand to try to break down all of these variables into a singular “correct” answer for all. Which is not what today’s post is. But what it is, is an attempt to deconstruct different criteria against what is out there, necessarily influenced by my own biases and takes. But that’s basically what my blog is, is one big thought experiment from a particular perspective (mine) at a particular point in time (now). 

So with all those caveats, and at the risk of enraging boosters of certain cities, let’s dive in, and consider this a snapshot in time that I can come back to in the future with fondness (or cringe). 

1. Multi-modal. If we’re talking cities, then we have to talk about not having to rely on a car. So the place has to have reasonable transit service and enjoyable to walk around in. Points for places like Jersey City and Chicago, whereas thanks for playing Houston and Orlando. 
2. Diversity. Another important characteristic of cities is that you meet people from all walks of life. Alas, while some places are an absolute smorgasbord of cultural backgrounds (hello Miami and LA), other places are more homogenous (sorry Omaha and Portland). 
3. Weather. This one’s tricky, both because some folks like hot while others like it cold, and because climate change is shifting northward what is considered mild. Let’s play it safe and say we would downvote the extremes like Phoenix and Buffalo, while preferencing places like Salt Lake City and Charlotte. 
4. Housing. This category interplays with where jobs and amenities are (see below), so like the point above there is a bit of Goldilocks you’re aiming for: can’t be exorbitantly expensive, but if it’s dirt cheap it’s probably because you’re getting less for your cost of housing. Definitely San Francisco and Seattle are unattainable for most, while choosing into places like Des Moines and Tulsa is a value play for some and not enough for others. 
5. Jobs. Most of us have to work, and depending on your industry it’s not just about employment in your town but access to common places where work might bring you. Philly’s perfect, as a big city that’s centrally located between NY and DC. More geographically remote places like Fargo and Sioux Falls may have low unemployment but only because a lot of folks have left to seek out more job-dense locations. 
6. Amenities. This is probably the category with the most personal takes, since “amenities” can mean nature, shopping, high culture, and/or low culture. Let’s aim high and demand cities with major league sports teams and a critical mass of arts. So Colorado Springs and Fresno might be found lacking, whereas Boston and Pittsburgh are flush with things to do.

I would be remiss if I didn’t point out Philly does well from this lens: a big and ethnically diverse city full of amenities and economic opportunities, well served by transit, and reasonably affordable (especially when compared to NY to the north and DC to the south). I’d add that Chicago rates highly too, and maybe Miami if “access to economic opportunities” includes global destinations and you’re willing to project that the whole city won’t be underwater or boiling within our lifetimes. 

What are your screens and what city rates high for you?

Creative Class

Ben Affleck had an insightful take on the future of Hollywood as AI gets better and better. Video below:

   

To be sure, we too are derivative. Rare is the genius who can produce out of nothing, more common being folks who are influenced by those who preceded them in the field. Indeed, it is a mark of intelligence and talent to process that which has existed, in order to make something that has never been seen before.

Will computers ever get there too? Will we ever see something that is truly artificial (not made by man) and intelligence (made anew, not derivative)? This is above my pay grade to suss out. 

What I am prompted to muse on is the extent to which we are, as humans, each of us unique human beings, making the most of the content we have access to, and striving to make something new and special with it that no one else can. That is a lofty and inspiring opening. May we seize the chance while we can.

Being Anti-Development Has Regressive Consequences

 

Today's post is the inverse of one from last year entitled "The Progressive Case for More Development." Just to define terms, "regressive" means that a burden falls disproportionately on those who can least bear it, and "progressive" means that a burden falls disproportionately on those who can most bear it. My city fancies itself as very progressive, and my University City community is even more so. And, many of those self-described progressives are pro-development for progressive purposes. But many of those self-described progressives are anti-development, also for progressive purposes. And while I understand the impulse, emotion, and logic behind that, I want to point out three very regressive aspects of opposing more real estate development:

1. Preventing new housing benefits status quo wealthy homeowners and exacerbates affordability issues for younger and less affluent folks. Housing is beholden to the economic laws of supply and demand, so when demand increases and supply doesn't, price goes up. Indeed, wealthy homeowners are among the most vehement opponents of new development, because they want to protect the value of their homes. Conversely, aggressively advocating for more housing makes all housing more affordable.

2. Preventing new development keeps job opportunities away from construction workers and other union labor. Labor unions are sometimes among the few left-leaning groups that actively voice their support for new real estate development projects. They know that the construction sector is vulnerable to our natural boom-bust economic cycle, and that a big construction project will mean jobs for many for years. Conversely, opposing projects can result in those projects not happening (or happening elsewhere), taking those job opportunities away in the process.

3. Preventing new development in blighted areas prevents those areas from being upgraded. By definition, more resourced communities have the resources to modernize their built forms, whether tending to repairs or doing wholesale renovation or putting in new product. Blighted areas by definition have suffered from disinvestment, which creates an opposite cycle of deterioration, unattractiveness, and abandonment. These are the areas that should want new development the most, to create a virtuous cycle of improvement, activity, and commerce.

These issues are, economically and politically and culturally, far more complex than I have laid out in a few paragraphs, and I get that. I just think it's important to understand that a progressive can support real estate development in a full-throated way. And, in contrast, to be progressive and oppose real estate development does have consequences that are regressive in nature.

Recommended Reads, 51st in a Quarterly Series

 

Books I've read lately that I would recommend:

Allergic: Our Irritated Bodies in a Changing World (MacPhail). Are we more allergic than before, and if so why and what can we do about it?

LeBron (Benedict). Though LeBron has been in the limelight since he was a teen, this book is so well written that it feels like a raw and compelling insider's window into a remarkable life.

Triumph of the Yuppies: America, the Eighties, and the Creation of an Unequal Nation (McGrath). Coming of age in this decade, I had fun reading how trends from those days still carry influence to the present.

Empire of the Scalpel: The History of Surgery (Rutkow). We have come a long way in medicine in general, but perhaps there has been no radical a change than in the surgical field.

Eve: How the Female Body Drove 200 Million Years of Human Evolution (Bohannon). I really appreciated this woman-centric take on why we humans are the way we are now.

Bicycle Diaries (Byrne). I found personal resonance with these bike-level musings of cities around the world.

Good Habits

 

When I first started this blog I was in my twenties, and now I'm in my 50's. I'm fortunate my parents instilled in me good health habits, which I've generally kept since I was a youth. But passing the half-century mark, I've really tried to lean into intentional efforts to prioritize my own wellness. Don't consider this a self-help post as much as it is my own documentation of what I've tried to commit to (as well as some commentary on how well I'm doing with that commitment). In no particular order:

1. Avoid caffeine and alcohol. Regardless of nutritional benefits, these substances mess with the quality and quantity of your sleep. I was never a coffee drinker but have also tried to stay away from caffeinated soda. I’d probably score myself 9 out of 10 on this. 

2. Eat better. More fruits and vegetables, less sugar/bread/dairy. Keeping a food journal on Insta is a good accountability hack, not only to think twice about bad foods but also to encourage a more colorful palette. Alas, I still have a sweet tooth and gravitate to snacky foods. 5/10. 

3. Eat less. Smaller portions and sticking to meals. As my metabolism has slowed, my appetite has shrunk, making this easier. But it still requires intentionality to break old habits. 7/10. 

4. Go for walks. I get plenty of exercise (see below), but breaking up long periods of sitting to get some fresh air and get the heart pumping is critical. I tell my co-workers to do this but too seldom do it myself. 5/10. 

5. Have a hobby. Golf is the first true leisure pursuit of my adult life. But it’s taking time to get to a good mental place where I am enjoying the activity rather than cursing every bad shot I make. It’s also stressful to compensate for the long time commitment by hustling before and after. Still, I’m glad to do something for myself that is truly pleasurable. 7/10. 

6. Keep the phone in the pocket. In general, but definitely right before I go to bed. Oops, I love doom-scrolling or playing Scrabble all the way until the time I close my eyes. More work needed here. 3/10. 

7. Make exercise non-negotiable. I used to sleep in and skip my morning exercises if I was up the night before. I now realize I am better off sleeping less but keeping my morning routine. Even better, of course, is to get a good night’s sleep and get to the gym. 9/10. 

8. Sleep better. It’s hard for me to leave things hanging, so I used to stay up late to tie things up. It feels good to prioritize getting to bed early, even if I know I should be drawing an even harder boundary on this. 5/10.

Resistance is Freeing

 

I suppose there are some people out there who thrive on being ornery, contrary, and divisive. I am not naturally one of them. I prefer harmony over discord, and being liked over being reviled. But, or perhaps because of that, I put a lot of intentionality into leaning in when I encounter resistance.

In my line of work, in my diverse social circles, heck even around my own dinner table, people not agreeing with what I've said and using that as a springboard to not like me is fairly common. In some cases, I am cursed at even before I've opened my mouth, for whose side I am on or am assumed to be on. In other cases, a difference in opinion is cause for my being wholesale dismissed and shouted down.

I'm proud to be someone who has principles, and who holds on to those principles strongly. But I'm also proud to be someone who keeps an open mind, which includes the possibility that I am wrong or at the very least that hearing out someone who has a different viewpoint has something to teach me. I think, beyond these things, it also matters to me that even if our disagreements rise to the level that you hate my guts, I want to treat you as a human being and honor your perspective, and give room for others to reciprocate.

In this divisive time, it can be disarming for me to engage with people who, based on our differences of opinions, have treated me poorly. I believe in "turning the other cheek," a turn of phrase from the Bible, so I'm willing to, having been hit, lean into further interaction with the hitter, even if it means being hit again. It is these very moments that we can reclaim a common humanity. And, even if someone else isn't open to changing their mind, I am open to changing my mind so I am genuinely curious to hear out different voices.

Us INTJs on the Myers-Briggs spectrum tend to explore issues in this way, contemplating differing and perhaps borderline abhorrent viewpoints in order to probe a topic as thoroughly as possible. At the end of the day, I want to be better. And, I want to treat people around me with respect. 

Resistance can be painful, because it's never fun to have bad intentions assumed on you or to be yelled at with full-throated rage. But, knowing that I still have my beliefs and my humanity, and that even better I may even gain from the exchange, is freeing.

Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 452

 

Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "The Message," a Bible translation by Eugene Peterson.

 

Whoever would have suggested to Abraham that Sarah would one day nurse a baby! Yet here I am! I’ve given the old man a son!

  

The waves of death crashed over me, devil waters rushed over me. Hell’s ropes cinched me tight; death traps barred every exit. A hostile world! I called to God, to my God I cried out. From his palace he heard me call; my cry brought me right into his presence - a private audience!

  

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start. Indeed, I’ve kept alert to God’s ways; I haven’t taken God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works, I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. 

 

Can it be that God will actually move into our neighborhood? Why, the cosmos itself isn’t large enough to give you breathing room, let alone this Temple I’ve built. Even so, I’m bold to ask: Pay attention to these my prayers, both intercessory and personal, O God, my God. Listen to my prayers, energetic and devout, that I’m setting before you right now. Keep your eyes open to this Temple night and day, this place of which you said, “My Name will be honored there,” and listen to the prayers that I pray at this place. 

 

Listen from your home in heaven and when you hear, forgive. 

 

A thick bankroll is no help when life falls apart, but a principled life can stand up to the worst. 

 

God, don't shut me out; don't give me the silent treatment, O God.

Your enemies are out there whooping it up, the God-haters are living it up;

They're plotting to do your people in, conspiring to rob you of your precious ones.

"Let's wipe this nation from the face of the earth," they say; "scratch Israel's name off the books."

And now they're putting their heads together, making plans to get rid of you. 

 

Live footloose and fancy free - You won't be young forever. Youth lasts about as long as smoke. 

 

This is a sad song, a text for singing the blues.

 

It never crosses their mind that I keep account of their every crime. They're mud-spattered head to toe with the residue of sin. I see who they are and what they've done.

Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.