Resistance is Freeing

 

I suppose there are some people out there who thrive on being ornery, contrary, and divisive. I am not naturally one of them. I prefer harmony over discord, and being liked over being reviled. But, or perhaps because of that, I put a lot of intentionality into leaning in when I encounter resistance.

In my line of work, in my diverse social circles, heck even around my own dinner table, people not agreeing with what I've said and using that as a springboard to not like me is fairly common. In some cases, I am cursed at even before I've opened my mouth, for whose side I am on or am assumed to be on. In other cases, a difference in opinion is cause for my being wholesale dismissed and shouted down.

I'm proud to be someone who has principles, and who holds on to those principles strongly. But I'm also proud to be someone who keeps an open mind, which includes the possibility that I am wrong or at the very least that hearing out someone who has a different viewpoint has something to teach me. I think, beyond these things, it also matters to me that even if our disagreements rise to the level that you hate my guts, I want to treat you as a human being and honor your perspective, and give room for others to reciprocate.

In this divisive time, it can be disarming for me to engage with people who, based on our differences of opinions, have treated me poorly. I believe in "turning the other cheek," a turn of phrase from the Bible, so I'm willing to, having been hit, lean into further interaction with the hitter, even if it means being hit again. It is these very moments that we can reclaim a common humanity. And, even if someone else isn't open to changing their mind, I am open to changing my mind so I am genuinely curious to hear out different voices.

Us INTJs on the Myers-Briggs spectrum tend to explore issues in this way, contemplating differing and perhaps borderline abhorrent viewpoints in order to probe a topic as thoroughly as possible. At the end of the day, I want to be better. And, I want to treat people around me with respect. 

Resistance can be painful, because it's never fun to have bad intentions assumed on you or to be yelled at with full-throated rage. But, knowing that I still have my beliefs and my humanity, and that even better I may even gain from the exchange, is freeing.