Great Comfort in God's Sovereignty

Yesterday's marriage class focused on how marriage exposes our imperfections (our own and our spouse's) but provides a framework for loving oneself and one's spouse through those imperfections.  For those in the class who are not yet married, it was sobering to think of having one's flaws laid bare, and of seeing their partner's flaws laid bare as well. 

Being the "helpful" guy that I am, I upped the ante.  You think it's hard, as someone who is damaged, to commit to someone else who is damaged?  At least these are knowns.  Just consider that there may yet be damage still to come, that you can't possibly account for at the point in time that you are making such a commitment. 

In other words, the words "through sickness and health, for richer or poorer" roll easily off our tongue, but what if we are asked to follow through on them in a dramatic way?  What if a car accident mars your beloved's face or leaves him completely dependent on you to care for him?  What if your life partner suffers a mental breakdown and becomes a shell of her former self?  What if he falls into addiction? 

In other words, as I wrote last week, we are making a commitment to someone based on who they have been in the past, but the actual working out of that commitment is in the future, a future in which it is almost certain that that person will change, and it is possible that that change may be for the worse in a big way.  If that's the case, how can you possibly say yes to marriage, unless you are either masochistic, deluded, or lucky?

Ah, but this is not to be feared or even begrudgingly accepted; it is to be embraced as the gateway to great contentment and joy.  For there is comfort in such a commitment, two people saying that no matter what happens they will stand by each other.  If you want to be a consumer, you're likely to be disappointed at how the "product" you picked out morphs over time.  But if the "product" is not a bundle of goods (good looks, cooks well, laughs at my jokes) but a covenant of fidelity ("I will love you because I will love you"), then it is possible to leap - with however imperfect information - into a lifelong commitment. 

But wait, it gets better.  Because the comfort of commitment is only half of the story here.  The true comfort, for the believer, is in the sovereignty of God over all things that concern us, including all the possible outcomes of our beloved's life.  If we can only be happy in our marriage if all of the things we love about our partner stay just the way they are, we have drawn ourselves a very small circle within which God is good.  But, if God is big enough to encompass any tragedy that may befall us, we can live in the great confidence that nothing can shake us from God's good grip on us.

In my mind, and apologies to any who consider me narrow-minded or simple-headed on this subject, there are only four other ways to deal with the vagaries of life:

(1) Control your own destiny.  Bad stuff may happen, but if I exert my will over the totality of my life, I can fend off as much as possible and minimize what does creep in.

(2) Life is random.  Who knows when tragedy will befall us, and who cares, since life is just one big crap shoot, with no rhyme, reason, pattern, or purpose. 

(3) Low expectations.  It's all about framing, so as long as I expect the worst, I'll always be no worse than prepared.

(4) Karma.  Do good, get good back; do bad, get bad back.


Depending on which of these approaches you believe in your heart of hearts, you will live your life accordingly, but all four are fraught with difficulty:

(1) No matter how competent or prepared you are, life will still seep in, leaving you tired and breathless.

(2) The best you can get out of this is to become a hedonist; life is bleak and purposeless, so I might as well derive a little bit of pleasure while I can.

(3) This is a real downer of a worldview.

(4) I think many Christians are actually here a lot more than we'd like to admit.  Why else is our world rocked when we observe or experience seemingly random tragedies?

There is a fifth way.  It is a way that says that God is sovereign and good.  Things may happen that seem to be inconsistent with those suppositions, things that hurt real bad and for which there are no answers on this side of glory.  The great comfort in God's sovereignty does not shield us from tragedy or loss or sorrow or tears.  But it does serve as an anchor in an otherwise stormy and tumultuous existence. 

As it is in so many other ways, marriage is a metaphor for this profound truth.  No one really knows what they're getting into when they get married.  But they trust that they have given this big decision over to God, prepared themselves as best as they could, found a decent person to commit to for the rest of their lives, and surrounded themselves with strong supporters to keep them solid.  And the rest is up to a good and sovereign God to work out. 

I submit to you that taking this leap, while scary, is not primarily about settling, conceding, or risking.  Far from being a necessary burden we begrudgingly accept as part of the package, committing to another person amidst so many unknowns is the great joy of marriage.  For in doing so, we say to ourselves, to our life partner, and to God, that our love for another has no preconditions.  "I will love you as long as you are physically beautiful" or "I will love you as long as you are of sound mind" or "I will love you as long as you are fun to be with" cannot hold a candle, in true living and depth and joy, to "I will love you as long as you are." 

Best of all, it is the best love not because it is something we have manufactured, but rather it is something given to us by a great God, who Himself loves us in this way, and gives us a sacred institution to manifest that love for all of our days.  He is happy to give you such a love, because it shows off His love.  And so we can take great comfort in God' sovereignty, even and especially in the great gamble of marriage.

The Result of All That Waiting is More Waiting

We got notice from Penn Alexander that Aaron has been wait-listed for kindergarten.  If you recall, we were #65 in line in January.  With three classes, an unknown number of kids in line who would eventually go somewhere else, and an uncertain class size for the fall, it was anyone's guess as to whether #65 was enough to get us a coveted spot.  I guessed at the time that we would be wait-listed but that we would eventually get in.  So far I'm 1 for 1 in my predictions.  Let's hope I go 2 for 2.

Because we live in its catchment area, and you're not allowed to send your kid to a school if you don't live in its catchment area, now I have to go to Penn Alexander to fill out a Pupil Transfer Request Extenuating Circumstances Form, which basically allows me to fill out an application at another school without that school saying, "You can't apply to us; you're supposed to send your kid to the school whose catchment you live in."  Then I can go to another school (likely Lea Elementary) and fill out an application at that school, so that we at least have a spot for Aaron for the fall, while sweating out the wait to see if Penn Alexander will have space for him.

Needless to say, I am bummed.  Though I believe our odds are good that we will eventually get a spot for Aaron before the school year starts, I am so busy during the day at my job that having to return to University City for two errands and two sets of forms is not at all appealing to me.

I suspect that being on the wait-list does not mean that in order for my kid to get a spot, some other kid has to move or leave.  Rather, the school is likely playing it safe, sending approval notices to a smaller group of kids that it know it can for sure accommodate, and buying themselves some time to see how many more kids they can let in.  As was announced with much fanfare earlier this month, University of Pennsylvania has officially agreed to pony up more money to enable a fourth kindergarten class.  But I'm not certain as to when that kicks in.  If it's for the 2012-2013 academic year, then I have to think that Aaron is in.  But we'll have to wait for now.

Male Bonding

It has been a brutal stretch for my schedule, between work and family and the kids' extra-curricular activities and getting ready to teach at Penn.  Weekdays are a blur and weekends are just as feverish.  Unfortunately, one thing that has fallen by the wayside has been our monthly small group Bible study meeting with other couples in our church, which has cost us that cherished time of socializing, studying, sharing, and praying. 

Fortunately, one thing that has ramped up in its absence is a twice-a-month meet-up of the men halves of those church couples.  We men have a standing meeting twice a month - same time, same location each month - and while we don't ever have perfect attendance, even being able to have some quality time with one or two other guys has been a joy. 

I'm sworn to secrecy as to the things we talk about, but the topics are less important than the fact that we have a regular time and place to share what's on our hearts, sharpen one another, and carry each others' burdens in prayer.  In the midst of such hustle and bustle, these times have become a revelation of stillness; amidst so much anxiety in my heart, I derive great calm from these gatherings.  I'm thankful for these men, and for good male fellowship.

"Shuffle" Spreading

To my British and Californian friends, my friend Kurt Kuenne's critically acclaimed movie, "Shuffle," is coming to a theater near you.  See the details below.

***

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kurt Kuenne
Date: Tue, Apr 24, 2012 at 9:34 PM
Subject: "Shuffle" screens Sunday in Newport Beach, then London, Santa Cruz

Hi Everyone,

Kurt here;  hope you're having a marvelous April!  "Shuffle" had a triumphant international premiere on April 6th at the Brussels International Fantastic Film Festival in Belgium, where it received a Special Jury Citation in its category (7th Orbit).  For a fun mini-featurette of our successful screenings at the Santa Barbara, Sedona & Cinequest Film Festivals earlier this year, click here:  http://youtu.be/sqUEXl6nX0E?hd=1

It continues screening on the festival circuit over the coming weeks, and I wanted to give you all the latest.  For those in Southern California, "Shuffle" screens this Sunday afternoon at:

The Newport Beach Film Festival

Sunday, April 29th - 4:30 PM

Triangle Square 5 Cinemas

1870 Harbor Blvd.

Costa Mesa, CA 92627

For tickets, click here: http://newportbeach.bside.com/2012/films/shuffle_kurtkuene_newportbeach2012

Please buy tickets in advance!  A lot of people were turned away the last time it screened in L.A. and I'd hate to see that happen again. :)

I will be in attendance, as will some members of the cast & crew.

Then:

Sci-Fi London: The London International Festival of Science Fiction & Fantastic Film

Sunday, May 6th - 7:15 PM

Apollo Piccadilly Circus

19 Lower Regent Street

London SW1Y 4LR

United Kingdom

For tickets, click here:  http://www.sci-fi-london.com/festival/2012/programme/feature/shuffle

Then:

The Santa Cruz Film Festival

Saturday, May 12th - 9 PM

Sunday, May 13th - 12:30 PM

Nickelodeon Theatres

210 Lincoln Street

Santa Cruz, CA 95060

For tickets, click here:  http://santacruz.bside.com/2012/films/shuffle_kurtkuenne_santacruz2012

I will be in attendance at both showings.

Please come out and join us if you're local!

Happy April and all the best,

Kurt

www.shufflethemovie.com

www.facebook.com/shufflethemovie

www.dearzachary.com

www.facebook.com/dearzachary

Church Expansion

For many Christians, the end of the second chapter of the book of Acts is the pinnacle of the faith community: believers share their possessions, they meet regularly for meals and Bible study, and God adds to their number daily.  It is a remarkable and God-glorifying moment in the history of the church.  One must be careful, though, because the kind of communal life we seek may differ greatly from that which our God wills for us.

It is a temptation to turn church into a place of relational comfort.  As the line from the sitcom, "Cheers," goes, we all desire a place "where everybody knows you name, and they're always glad you came."  That "third place" in our lives - besides home and work - where we are among others like us and can truly be ourselves: for some it is a bar, for others a softball league, and for Christians it is often church.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being part of a congregation where you feel comfortable with your fellow congregants.  One of the greatest blessings on this side of glory is the meaningful friendships you can experience with other believers.  But church is meant to be so much more than a social club in which everyone is nice to one another and adheres to the same worldview.  And, ominously, when it devolves into just that, not only do we miss out, but we atrophy the core purpose of the church's very existence.

Consider the context of that great description of church community in the book of Acts.  Jesus has risen, only to depart again, but not before charging to his followers that they will be his witnesses throughout the city (Jerusalem), into the outlying suburbs (Judea), and to the ends of the earth (all the parts that touch the Mediterranean Sea, and even beyond).

But it does not appear that any of those who directly heard this exhortation ever left Jerusalem.  They didn't have to, to indirectly fulfill Jesus' commands, as the whole world came to them for Pentecost.  It was there that the Holy Spirit fell on those gathered from all over, from different languages and nations, and the church was born. The rest of the book of Acts records the outward spreading of God's word, God ever expanding His people's notion of who was "inside the tent":

Chapter 6: Greek-speaking Jews are brought into meaningful servant leadership, and those who begin their careers doing what many of us would consider menial labor (serving food to widows) end up being among the church's most prominent leaders (Stephen, Philip).

Chapter 7: Stephen rebukes the established religious leaders in a fiery sermon, proclaiming that their rejection of God has opened the door for outsiders to believe, and is stoned for his words.

Chapter 8: A mighty persecution impels believers outward (8:1 is the fulfillment of 1:8!), and the good news reaches Samaria (Samaritans were scorned by Jews) and an Ethiopian eunuch (doubly unconventional).

Chapter 9: Saul, persecutor of Christians, is brought into the fold through a miraculous conversion.

Chapter 10-11: Peter has a dream that convinces him that Gentiles too can be part of the family of believers.

Chapter 12-13: Antioch is ground zero for this burgeoning movement, and the five-person leadership represents three continents (Asia, Africa, and Europe).

Chapter14-15: The early believers wrestle through how the practices of the faith can be simultaneously true to their Jewish origin and accessible to Gentiles.

Chapter 16-28: Various missionary journeys throughout the Mediterranean Sea region.

Do you detect a pattern?  Everywhere you turn, God is expanding our definition of who's in.  As much as we try to close ranks for the sake of comfort and familiarity, God pushes us outward.  We are ever wishing to curate our communities into places in which everyone knows everyone, we can settle nicely into familiar routines, and we can agree on common terminology.  God is ever jostling us to be more inclusive of new people we would not otherwise think to associate with, and to stretch ourselves to accommodate the newness rather than asking everyone to conform to our limited understanding of God.

Of course I am not speaking of compromising our core beliefs.  But think about your own church's congregational life.  How many defining characteristics are truly about essential theological tenets?  Isn't what makes up your church "home" more about things like worship style, coffee hour, and interior decoration - things that are much more able to be adapted over time as the composition of your congregation evolves?

It is human nature to surround ourselves with people like ourselves, to expend great effort to build places of comfort for ourselves.  This is even more true in the busy, diverse urban settings many of us live in: after a long week of hustle and bustle, stretching to understand and work with people very different from us, and being assaulted by so many contrary worldviews, how refreshing it is to have a place where we can settle in with others like us, right?  With so much change, tumult, and stress in our lives, isn't it natural to try to avoid the upheaval of learning new songs and singing styles, having to get to know so many new people week after week, or letting go of cherished ways of celebrating certain sacraments for new practices?

But God has bigger plans for His church.  In the book of Acts, He uses a massive persecution to scatter His people and spread His Word, He gives Peter a dream to persuade Him that Gentiles can be part of the flock, and He populates His leadership teams with sufficient geographic diversity that all perspectives are represented.  What does He need to do in your church to make sure you're not settling into a comfort zone that may feel good to you but is less than what He wants for you, for your church, and for the advancement of His Word throughout a world that is need of it?

Love and Marriage

With 20+ attendees in the first session, our "Sacred Marriage" Sunday School class is off to a rip-roaring start.  Better than the raw numbers was the passionate discussion we had on the institution, expectations, and role of marriage in the life of the believer, especially since the insights came from a wide range of people, from singles to newlyweds to longlyweds (I'm making that word up, I assume you know what I mean by it). 

As a wise person once told me, marriage is about two people saying to each other (in front of God and many other witnesses), "Whoever you become, I'm going to love and commit to; and whoever I become, you're going to love and commit to."  Meaning that we marry with imperfect information.  All we know is the past and present, but it is the future in which we will be married.  And in that future, it is almost certain that we will change. 

The great challenge and delight of marriage is that we are to stay loving and committing, even when the person we loved and committed to is different, and even when we are different.  Even harder and even better, it is usually the case that our spouse is the very person who is most influential in our changing over time.  How frightening and comforting, at the same time, that reality is.

I am reminded of a parallel commitment, which is that to our sports teams.  We who are loyal to a team face what seems like constant defeat, disappointment, heartbreak, and rejection.  The composition of our team changes over time; at times, it seems all we are rooting for, as Jerry Seinfeld once pointed out, is laundry, meaning that the players change so only the uniform is constant.  Some of us have had the experience of even the laundry changing; I am referring not to the modernization of logos and colors but the wholesale moving of a team from one city to another city (and in some cases, from one coast to another coast). 

We put in time, we invest money, and more importantly we burn precious sanity in this "relationship."  Others may wonder aloud why we are doing this to ourselves, and we may ask ourselves the same question sometimes.  Indeed, many hyper-rational people swear off sports allegiances because they have done the cold, calculating cost-benefit analysis and have realized cheering a team makes no sense.

I am not suggesting that marriage is irrational or rational.  It is, however, like following Jesus an affair of both heart and mind.  The true believer lays down his own agenda in pursuit of something far greater.  In doing so, he is not selfless; far from it, for he chooses the best possible way for himself.  But it is, of necessity, a dying to self in order to live for something better.  We do not maintain our god-ness when we truly decide to become Christians - as if it is something to add to our resume, to make ourselves feel better, or to inject some morals/tradition/community into our lives - but make room for God to be our God and His glory to be our utmost aim. 

And so it is with Christian marriage.  If we enter into it as consumers - what's in it for me? - we are sure to be disappointed.  If we enter into it as martyrs - how can I be this other person's all in all? - we are sure to burn out.  But if we enter into it as we enter into any big life decision once we have decided to follow Jesus - how can God be most glorified? - then we might just experience the true purpose and pleasure of marriage. 

I look forward to exploring this marriage with some of my fellow congregants over the next several weeks.  If you care to join us, we meet at 9:30a in Fellowship House at Woodland Presbyterian Church.

A Thousand Jagged Pieces

I'm not sure if today's post will resonate with anyone, but nonetheless I feel compelled to write it. 

Life can seem terribly cruel at times.  You may wonder why you are the way you are.  You may have experienced something so horrific that words and even feelings are inadequate to express the fallout of your pain.  You may feel terribly alone, even in a sea of humanity. 

I do not know your situation.  I do not even know if there is a "you" who is reading this.  But this I know:

1) God made you perfectly.  Not only so, but He delighted when He made you, delighted when He was done making you, and delights now in you. 

2) He was not absent when all those bad things happened.  When you were hurt, it registered with God.  He was not distant or uncaring.  It may take longer than we want, but there will be a day of reckoning for those who have done wrong, and a day of healing for those who have been broken. 

3) He is present now.  Many of the psalms in the Bible are tear-filled laments to God.  Some end with the psalmist girding himself up with hope and determination.  But some just end, with no happy resolution.  I take this to mean that it is honoring to God to pour yourself out before Him, to cry and cry and cry and not have to put yourself together at the end. 

Child of God, whatever you have done or whatever has been done to you, you need not be on the outside looking in on the presence and love of God.  He pursues you with a relentless, forgiving, and redeeming love.  A mirror dropped to the ground shatters in a thousand jagged pieces and cannot possibly be put back together.  But a life dropped to the ground that has shattered into a thousand jagged pieces can indeed be put back together by a caring and ever-present God.  Whatever you may have given up hope on - absolution, reconciliation, wholeness, joy - He still holds and offers.  Do not think otherwise or do yourself ruin. 

Time and Money and Food and Life

Between two hard jobs and two young kids, Amy and I are longer on money but shorter on time and energy.  The past few Fridays, we've decided to spend a little bit of money to conserve some time and energy, by buying about $35 worth of food for dinner and leftovers.  Living where we live, there's an embarrassment of cheap and good choices, so in addition to saving us from cooking and dishwashing, it's felt a little indulgent to partake of a high quantity and quality of food.  (If you're curious, we're pretty vanilla in our selections so far: Boston Market, Middle Eastern, Chinese, and Subway, with possibly Vietnamese, Lebanese, and cheesesteaks on deck.)

If it's possible, Amy has become more frugal than I, so it took some convincing that this was perfectly rational behavior for two people in our situation.  I think once I explained it that way, she loosened up and has been able to enjoy the food along with the rest of us.  I recounted to her a recent New York Times article about someone who got to live like a billionaire for a day, and asked her to just imagine what sorts of decisions and behaviors became rational for someone who made hundreds of times more money than we do.  It kind of blew our mind just thinking about it.

It didn't take much for us to envision the opposite scenario, of figuring out what made sense in terms of life decisions if we made hundreds of times less money than we do, partly because we are pretty thrifty in our consumption and partly because we have regular contact with many such individuals and families.  It may seem strange or even insulting to say this, but there are some parallels to the billionaire's plight, only (stating the obvious) without the advantage of having a billion dollars to paper things over.  That is to say, the billionaire's dilemma is the scarcity of time, which is solved in part by trading money for time.  The very poor face time scarcity as well, but it's different.  Because their earning power is so low, it takes more time to earn enough money for life's essentials, and in some cases there isn't even enough time in the day, let alone the very real possibility that there aren't enough open opportunities to trade time for money. A certain, cold rationality kicks in, and my heart breaks for the very real and very tough either-or choices that have to be made at that point.


All of this to say that I understand the plight of the billionaire and hurt for the dilemmas of the impoverished.  And I am thankful to God for where Amy and I are in life, that we can afford a $35 feast on a Friday night to provide ourselves with some gastric pleasure and buy ourselves back a little time and energy.  Sure, working two hard jobs brings a lot of stress into our lives, both in terms of the jobs themselves and the scarcity of time and energy that result.  But we like our work and are thankful for the intellectual stimulation, social engagement, and financial remuneration.  And any life that includes a rotisserie chicken, a lamb shawarma sandwich, or pork fried rice on a Friday night can't possibly be one worth complaining about.

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

I've only read a little bit about Andrew Yang's brainchild, Venture for America, but it sounds like a great idea.  Like Teach for America, the goal is to expose bright young minds to a profession we need more bright young minds to get into.  In this case, the profession is entrepreneurship, and boy can we use more innovators nowadays. 

Of course, I went to business school, and then worked for 10 years at a non-profit incubator of minority-owned entrepreneurial ventures, so I'm predilected to these kinds of things.  But I think it's healthy for all young folks to get some exposure to the grind of bringing an idea into reality, getting the door slammed in your face 100 times so you can hear "yes" the 101st time, figuring out a path to profitability, and so on. 

I realize not everyone is going to be a cut-throat capitalist when they grow up.  But we'd probably be better off if every young person had at least a little exposure in the fast-paced world of start-ups, if only to know better how how that important part of the economy works and what it takes to succeed there.  At the very least, I'm glad for the small sliver of talented young grads who will sign up for Venture for America.  It's a start.

Grace is Enough

Earlier this month, in the midst of a busy week, I had the pleasure of getting a phone call from a dear friend of mine, who I have known for almost 30 years.  A call from him is like a spa for my soul at a time when I can surely use it, and I am deeply thankful that our friendship has grown in spite of geographic distance and each of our busy lives. 

He pastors a church that is small but growing, and even better than raw numbers is the depth of commitment and community that he is seeing. Curious, I asked him what people were latching on to about his church.  I was essentially wondering, "What's your secret?"  But of course there is no secret.  It is about being faithful to a message that is at once old-fashioned and cutting edge, which is that it is all about that elusive Christian concept called grace.

It is tempting in this day and age to proclaim a worldview in which I'm OK and you're OK.  Even if you want to come at things from a Christian perspective, from a perspective that is grounded in an ancient text, it is natural to want to soft-pedal some of that text's absolutes.  Sin seems so harsh, so let's focus instead of inclusivity and love and acceptance.

As a counterbalance, some churches go in the other direction.  But, however rigid and rules-oriented, these places are also offering an easy road to salvation: do these things, jump through these hoops, avoid these traps, and you're good.  This way, too, pooh-poohs the utter depravity of man, and the utter hopelessness of manufacturing one's own way back to God.

Real grace, believe it or not, is hard to accept.  It isn't a free pass to sin, or a softening of God's wrath.  In as self-reliant a country as ours, the notion of unmerited favor is hard to accept, especially when it comes to the fundamental question of whether we are alright with God, and of what our souls deserve in this life and the next.

But it is, at our core, what we long for.  And, as my pastor friend is faithful to that message, that reality, of real grace in the person and work of Jesus, people are drawn in.  For it itches many of our deepest itches - relationships, reconciliation, community, self-worth, meaning in life - as well as our deepest itch of all, which is that of our standing before God our Creator and Judge. 

Running a church and being a Christian is more complex than that.  But, in another sense, it is not.  Grace is, in fact, enough.  And I am joyful for my friend that he is finding this out in a wonderful way in his church.

Winning and Losing

Halfway through Aaron's first baseball game yesterday, I sidled up to his coach and asked what the score was.  He smiled and winked at me and said, "It's 5-5 . . . and it'll be 10-10 at the end of the game."  It took me a while to figure out what he meant, but only because the thought never occurred to me that no one cared what the score was except me. 
 
When the "tie" was officially announced at the conclusion of the requisite four innings, everyone cheered.  Aaron squealed, "A tie!  A tie!"  I asked Aaron what that meant, and he very eloquently and sweetly replied, "It's when both teams win at the same time." 

Some parents and educators may cheer such a statement, and I don't begrudge Aaron for his perspective or anyone who has taught it to him.  But, call me old-fashioned and backwards, but it's not for no reason that ties are described as "like kissing your sister."  Baseball, of all sports, is great for learning the great life lessons of success and failure and winning and losing. 

I had ample opportunity to experience the pain of failing as a young Little Leaguer.  I'm not saying I wasn't good - I made two All-Star teams - but that only amplified the pain because the stakes were higher.  I made the last out of the game that eliminated my first All-Star team from the tournament, and it was on a strikeout in which I wasn't even close.  I recall crying inconsolably over the failure. 

Some may call me a masochist, but I hope Aaron has the same kinds of experiences.  Failure that is public (with a large crowd cheering you on) and final (it doesn't get much more final than making the last out) is part of life.  And it's good for you to taste some of its bitterness as a wee lad, than to inoculate yourself from the possibility and therefore from the opportunity to fight through the pain, deal with the loss, and figure out how to learn from it. 

Again, baseball is good for such experiences.  A colleague of mine who is quite good at basketball always tells me he likes basketball because when you mess up, it's not long until you have another chance to redeem yourself.  Whereas in baseball, it's not uncommon to fail spectacularly - strike out in a big moment, or drop a lazy fly ball - and not be able to make atonement for a long, long time.  (Ask Ryan Howard.) 

In life, there are "basketball" moments - you mess up, but right around the corner, there's a chance to succeed - but there are also "baseball" moments -  you mess up, and that mess-up just lays out there for an uncomfortably long time.  As hard as it is for a parent to see their kid fail in a public and final way, I hope Aaron will have such experiences, and that I can help him get through them and be better for it.  For all their worth in forging character, I sure as heck don't wish to numb Aaron from them.

That's Professor Huang

This summer, I have the honor and pleasure of teaching an elective course at the Fels Institute of Government of the University of Pennsylvania, where I went to grad school.  The course is entitled "Quantitative Tools For Consulting," and we will be running through the role of the consultant in various public policy settings, and going over a number of analytical methods that can be used by consultants to add value to economic and policy discussions.  I'm looking forward to meeting the students and to teaching the classes.  It should be a lot of fun.  (Well, not for the students: I intend to be brutally hard.)

Obama the INTJ

There does not appear to be any consensus online about this, but as for me I am convinced: Barack Obama is an INTJ.  As am I.

INTJ stands for Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, and Judging.  Introverted doesn't mean shy as much as it is about thinking inside yourself rather than thinking out loud, and drawing energy from solitude rather than from people.  iNtuitive means focusing more on what lies ahead than what is now.  Thinking is about facts instead of feelings.  And Judging prefers completion over keeping options open. 

Together, they make up what is known as the Rational Mastermind, a high-falutin' title if there ever was one.  Such people tend to see life as a big chessboard, process information towards a decision, work hard and demand the same of others, and project confidence and competence.  My read of President Obama is that he is like this: his moves are calculated, for all his charisma he is introverted in temperament and in processing information, and he loves to entertain big ideas but anchor them towards a practical and incremental plan of action.  Tellingly, he is often accused of a common complaint about Rational Masterminds, which is that he is cold and unfeeling; not true of us INTJs, it's just that our hearts also contain a strong sense of ambition/drive/rationality that often trump any gushing or empathy.


My life is obviously far less complex than Obama's, but I feel a kinship with him in how we tackle our responsibilities, what is hard for us, where we thrive, and how we tend to view the world and its challenges.  And so while I often admire him as a person and often do battle with his political positions, I am learning to also observe him for hints on how I can stay sane and be sharp. 

South Philly, Here We Come

One of the fun parts about public transportation is exploring different parts of the city.  Aaron just started baseball, and he has practice at one field and games at two other fields, and all three places are in South Philadelphia.  So, via various buses, we're getting to see a part of the city we're not at all familiar with. I still greatly prefer University City - can't beat walking to church and schools, and having so many great amenities to choose from - but there are neighborhoods and blocks we've seen so far that are really neat to go through or get to.  Historical markers, interesting residential architecture, and vibrant commercial corridors greet us wherever we go, and there's never a dull moment.  So while it's pretty time-consuming to schlep everywhere, and maddening at times to wait for buses that are running late, it figures to be a window into another shade of the city, for which I am thankful.

Absolutely

My job as an economic consultant certainly does not lack for variety.  We have had the pleasure of working for community development corporations, affordable housing advocates, environmental groups, and children's museums.  We have also been hired by high-powered real estate developers, casinos, the tobacco industry, and alcohol distributors.  (We're still waiting for calls from the sex industry and the gun lobbyists.)

While you may marvel at our breadth of clientele, you may also question our backbone.  Are we simply mercenaries willing to do anything for a buck?  Is any analytical finding simply for sale?  Do we not have any scruples or reservations?

In response, I'll speak first for my firm and then for myself.  We are most certainly not in the business of being paid for whatever answer our client wants.  We pride ourselves on intellectual honesty and professional integrity, and on always taking the objective and rational approach, even and especially on the day's most contentious issues.  And I think everyone that knows us arrives at the same conclusion.

As for me personally, I am not unlike all my co-workers in that I have certain opinions on certain issues, and in many cases feel strongly about one side versus another side.  But that doesn't prevent me from taking on a particular client or topic without feeling I am compromising myself. Part of this comes from a place of intellectual curiosity and inherent open-mindedness.  If I am presented with a situation that, in my personal life, I might disagree with, I can still be content exploring the issue and being open to seeing all sides of it.

But another, bigger part of this comes from the opinion that, in the economic and political realm, there are no absolutes.  Economists are trained to respect and probe the existence of trade-offs.  No policy, no position, no side is absolutely right or absolutely wrong.  There are pros and cons to everything, and while the pros may outweigh the cons (or vice versa), sometimes that is simply a matter of opinion and perspective, and at all times there are enough pros and enough cons that elaborating on either is helpful to public discourse and executive decision-making.

In this sense, being a consultant to a variety of clients and on a variety of positions, which some may label as "good" and some may label as "evil," is slightly different from another profession in which we consider the ethics of taking on certain clients and positions, which is that of lawyer.  Some may find some lawyers sleazy for taking on certain vilified people or issues, but hopefully we are all open-minded enough to allow for fair representation in legal disputes.

Whereas, while we are certainly hired by a client and are therefore obligated to "represent" them in a similar way that a lawyer does, who we are often really working for is the general public, and our role on an issue is to bring to light some aspect of that issue that hopefully provides insight as to pros, cons, and trade-offs.  In our democratic and capitalist system, this is how decisions are made and objectives prioritized.  There is no absolutely "right" or "wrong" way, but rather a series of trade-offs in a world of scarce resources, with hopefully a fair and thorough presentation of the salient points so that people can navigate the political process towards the best possible outcomes.

I don't think there is any internal contradiction in believing (as I do) that there are moral absolutes but not economic or political ones, that morality is more like science (which obeys fundamental laws) whereas economics and politics are matters of competing opinions and dueling priorities.  Some may disagree with me on both fronts: you may consider me a bigot for believing in absolute moral truths, and/or spineless for not thinking there are absolute economic and political truths.  I hope I'm open-minded enough to hear your push-back and learn from it.  I'm still musing, and would be interested to hear what your take is on such matters.

The Honor of Dishonor

So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.- Acts 5:41-42


I was tickled by the verses above, when I got to them in my morning Bible reading time earlier this month.  If you're not familiar with the book of Acts, let me set the scene.  Jesus, before ascending, tells His followers that they will speak of Him all throughout the city, into the outlying suburbs, and to all the nations.  It turns out this doesn't yet mean they will go to all those places, but rather than all those people will come to them: at Pentecost, Jews from many nations are in town to celebrate, the Holy Spirit falls upon them, Peter speaks of Jesus, many believe, and God adds to this community daily.  Jesus' original followers develop a huge following themselves, and the religious leaders of the day, jealous and fearful, throw them into jail, only to have them miraculous freed from the jail.  Hauled back in to the authorities, they are sternly warned not to speak of Jesus, to which they joyously reply they prefer to take their orders from God and not man.

At this point, they are released, and that's when we get to the verses above.  I'm intrigued at their source of happiness.  It is not, "Thank God we're free."  It is not even "Thank God we've had so much success in our preaching and teaching" or even "Thank God we can preach and teach some more."  It is "Thank God we are considered worthy to suffer shame."

Shame is something we inherently seek to avoid.  For many of us, it is a defining, even debilitating presence.  Who among us is not afraid of shame, let alone thankful to God for it?  And yet shame is the source of Jesus' followers' rejoicing.

Paradoxically, there is honor in dishonor.  If, for His Name, we are dishonored by man, it is to be considered that we are honored by God.  And to be honored by God is cause for rejoicing.  The bad feeling of being dishonored by man is swallowed up by the joy of being honored by God.

Of course, Jesus Himself is Exhibit A of this profound logic.  He was greatly dishonored by man - wrongly accused, betrayed, abandoned, condemned, spat on, and executed in the most shameful and grotesque way possible.  He was greatly honored by God - given a place at the right hand of the throne of God, given the Name that every knee will bow and every tongue will confess as Lord.

Importantly, the dishonor isn't unrelated to the honor.  It's not like "you were dishonored, so as compensation you will be honored" or "you survived dishonoring, so you're rewarding with honoring."  No, it's "the honoring is in the dishonoring." The rejoicing of Jesus' followers comes from a realization that they are considered worthy to be a little like the One they are following.  And so they are not fazed by the shame of man.  It is not the necessary evil they must gut through to get to the good stuff.  Rather, it is the very thing they are most thankful for, more than being freed from jail and more than experiencing success in ministry. 

It is not hard to feel shame as a Christian in modern times.  Much of it is justified, for we have a horrible track record when it comes to representing our Lord and Savior, and many accusations of hatred and arrogance and hypocrisy are all too true.  Yet our bad behavior does not negate the loveliness and relevance of the One we seek to represent in this world.  If we actively affiliate with Him, we may very well experience the shame of many, who are cynical or dismissive or angry towards Christians and Christ.  If we do, may we also rejoice, like Jesus' followers did, for the same reasons they did, and may we also be like them in continuing to teach and preach Jesus. 

PS Photo credit to Learning in Los Angeles, who also blogged about these verses, concluding with "No one rejoices after flogging. You try to not bleed to death after being flogged. OMG disciples, how do you do it?"  Indeed.

Easter Triple Take

Easter means a lot of things to a lot of people: deeply ingrained religious traditions, family gatherings, eggs and bunnies.  I hope you'll consider my take on Easter, or I should say a triple take: three posts from the past three years that connect in some way to my understanding of the Easter message.  Enjoy!

Sermon Transcript: The Story of the Loving Father Who Bruised, Condemned, and Abandoned His Perfect Son (And Why This is Good News for Us All) - June 20, 2011

The Death of Death in the Death of Jesus - April 4, 2010

An Offensive Message - April 11, 2009

Park Review

Loved this article on a West Philadelphia resident's documenting of his daughter's evaluation of various playgrounds in town: "Zora plays and we all get a lesson on West Philly playgrounds."  I met Michael Froehlich through work and have since bumped into him a number of times at my kids' after-school program, so it's nice to see him meld his professional skills with his parenting perspective.  zoraplays.com is a fun mix of hand-drawn layouts of the places he visits with his daughter, descriptions of what's there, and what wowed or didn't wow her.  Brilliant idea, and one could think of worse ways to spend your time than to putter around the big city and check out a bunch of neighborhoods and parks with your child.  Kudos all around.

What Would Jesus Do (with $656 Million)

John Piper calls the Mega Millions lottery "a suicidal craze."  Jodi Beggs of "Economists Do It with Models" cites a number of studies that discuss that playing lotteries is a losing proposition and that even winning doesn't always make you happier.  So you should stay away, right?

I'm more sanguine.  To be sure, the odds aren't in your favor, money doesn't solve everything, and covetousness will kill your soul. But there's entertainment value, probably exceeding one dollar in worth, in buying a ticket and holding your breath along with all your crazed friends.

And, it's not a bad thing to think about what you would do with a million dollars (or, in this case, well over half a billion dollars).  Since money is such a window into our soul, it's actually a darn good exercise for determining what's important to you, and what you like and don't like about your current station in life.

On that note, are there any Christians who are using this opportunity to talk about meaningful issues with their co-workers, friends, and family members?  Wouldn't it be grand if, while others were talking about quitting their jobs and going on vacations and buying fancy cars, we could share how we would maximize kingdom accomplishments rather than personal pleasures?

Gathered around the water cooler, batting cage, or dinner table, as person after person emotes about what they'd do with all that money, what is a better Christian's response than to have a ready answer for what is really worth investing cold hard cash in on this side of glory?  Isn't that a question worth having a good response to? 

Rather than tsk-tsking, or smugly patting ourselves on the back for avoiding the temptation altogether, maybe more of us should buy tickets.  If a dollar is all it costs to buy ourselves admission into having a meaningful conversation with our co-workers, friends, and family members about what is truly valuable, I say that's a dollar well worth spending.

Lazy Linking, 68th in an Occasional Series

68.1. A lot of Apple's and Steve Jobs success came from working the dense Silicon Valley network.  (Somewhere, Reid Hoffman and Mark Zuckerberg are nodding.)

68.2. Is the "Mt. Laurel" requirement of affordable housing in every municipality in New Jersey a fulfillment or repudiation of conservative principles?

68.3. I don't think John Piper approves of playing the Mega Millions lottery.

68.4. Looking for a job?  Stay in touch with people you don't normally stay in touch with.

68.5. Much to the chagrin of luxury brands, youngsters who, pinched by the recession and unemployed, don't spend a lot are likely to become oldsters who don't spend a lot.

68.6. A most admired company: Comcast.  That's right.  Gunning for the Olympics, they nailed the landing and tugged on some heartstrings along the way.

68.7. The future is here, Part 1: flexible e-ink displays.  [Hat tip: kottke.org.]

68.8. The future is here, Part 2: personal medicine.  [Hat tip: Marginal Revolution.]

68.9. Jeff Bezos is awesome.

68.10. A's fans, take a look while you can: Cespedes leads the league in homers and RBIs and Colon leads the league in wins.