7.28.2016

Healing Heart

Today marks 90 days from my surgery to correct an irregular heartbeat.  I have largely returned to full strength, with any present differences in my physical exertion levels versus pre-surgery attributable to being out of shape or having Asher encroach on my exercise time rather than throttling back to let my heart heal. 

I am coming to the end of wearing a heart monitor on me at all times (except when I swim or shower) so that my cardiologist has lots of data to see if the surgery actually fixed the problem.  I will meet with him next month and I sure hope it was a success, although I'm told that 20 percent of the time you have to repeat procedure. 

As I age, my aches and pains take longer to go away, and over time there will be some that become chronic.  So I'm thankful that my heart, which is obviously a really important part of my body, can be fixed of an otherwise risky problem.  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. 

7.26.2016

#AllTheTime

The almost-daily juxtaposition of falling deeper in love with my sweet Asher and of reading about yet another senseless shooting of a black man weighs heavily on me.  The sting of the tragedy is sharper, and heavier is the knowledge of the near-universal harassment experienced by African-American males.

I am embarrassed to admit that it took bringing an African-American baby into our family to feel these things at this level.  Because that means that despite the fact that prior to Asher I had black friends, black neighbors, and black co-workers, their struggles used to be things I could opt into or out of as I saw fit.  They were burdens I would carry at times but at other times I would set them aside.  If I am honest, pre-Asher I surely did give casual assent to the sentiment that #BlackLivesMatter, and yet in my own life they did not have to matter all the time, so fluidly was I able to free myself as needed from the pangs of tragic shootings or the injustice of constant surveillance.

Post-Asher, the violence hits home a lot more, as does the inescapability of his eventually being harassed, harmed, or worse.  I am newly aware of the constant peril faced by my African-American brothers (and, in different but no less hurtful ways, sisters).  I can now more easily appreciate just how much it hurts and how hard it is, a big part of which is that the pain is felt all the time.

To my friends and colleagues for whom this has been a lifelong struggle, I am sorry.  I know you will not begrudge me for caring for Asher more than I care for you.  But I regret that I did not previously care for you enough that I would wear some of your burden with you at all times.  I now do, but I once put it on or took it off as suited me, not appreciating the privilege I had to be free to do that while you couldn't, and not valuing you enough to be more fully with you at all times rather than just when it was expedient for me.

There is so much commentary that one often feels is necessary to add to the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter.  Today I'll simply append ...#AllTheTime.  From pre-Asher to post-Asher, that to me makes all the difference.

7.25.2016

Lazy Linking, 177th in an Occasional Series

Stuff I liked lately on the Interneets:

177.1 Virginia Postrel on Pokemon Go bloom.bg/2a8hW5q @bv

177.2 WMATA is an absolute personnel/operational/financial mess right now bit.ly/29Xorxc @wtop

177.3 Like the rest of us, Lego is graying considerably bit.ly/2aq3smb @modeanalytics

177.4 Incredibly small/ornate/arresting graphite drawings bit.ly/2albTxN @thisiscolossal

177.5 We already have A.I.: it's called "human civilization" bit.ly/29nvNZC @edge


7.22.2016

Too Short for a Blog, Too Long for a Tweet XXXVI

Here's an excerpt from a book I am reading, "The Case for God," by Karen Armstrong:

The ridicule of the press proved to be counterproductive, since it made the fundamentalists even more militant in their views. Before Scopes, evolution had not been an important issue; even such ardent literalists as Charles Hodge knew that the world had existed for a lot longer than the six thousand years mentioned in the Bible. Only a very few subscribed to so-called creation science, which argued that Genesis was scientifically sound in every detail. Most fundamentalists were Calvinists, though Calvin himself had not shared their hostility to scientific knowledge. But after Dayton, an unswerving biblical literalism became central to the fundamentalist mind-set and creation science became the flagship of the movement. It would become impossible to discuss the issue rationally, because evolution was no longer merely a scientific hypothesis but a “symbol,” indelibly imbued with the misery of defeat and humiliation. The early history of the first fundamentalist movement in the modern era proved to be paradigmatic. When attacking religion that seems obscurantist, critics must be aware that this assault is likely to make it more extreme.

7.19.2016

Wanted: Healing

My wife can say this more eloquently than I because of her training in trauma, but our nation is need of the healing that comes from having room to express anger and frustration but not having it lead to violence and retaliation.

On the one hand, we must acknowledge that there is real injustice and real grievance and real consequence, which have created real pain and therefore a real need to express that pain, even with anger and frustration.  I appreciate those who speak words of caution and reason and level-headedness and diplomacy.  But respectfully I must say that sometimes such words come across as wanting to squelch our very human emotions rather than giving them healthy space to vent them.

On the other hand, we must condemn any response that desires to answer an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.  I realize that sometimes where this vengeful spirit comes from is a deeply aggrieved place, in which one has seen years, decades, and even generations of harm inflicted and simply wants to lash out with one fiery act of retribution.  But, as I have explained to my kids, this is the very nature of prejudice, to blame all of one type for a single representative's transgression.  We cannot tolerate such thoughts or acts, as much as I understand the emotions behind them.

I realize that prayer is not everyone's answer but it is mine.  Oh God, have mercy on us all.

7.18.2016

Lazy Linking, 176th in an Occasional Series

Stuff I liked lately on the Internets:

176.1 Artsy metaphor of Chi-town boiling over bit.ly/29MOjJw @thisiscolossal

176.2 High vacancy in US is from suburbanization/mechanization/globalization; in Japan it's from aging lat.ms/29pT4d8 @latimes

176.3 Nordic countries considering compulsory public education for senior citizens bit.ly/29qDUzH @qz

176.4 10 scary things about the future; God have mercy on us all bit.ly/29El4Lk @gizmodo

176.5 US regs designed to make railcars safer has made them more dangerous/scarce bit.ly/29G4JQs @streetsblogusa


7.14.2016

Real Thoughts and Real Prayers

When unspeakable tragedy strikes, when racism rears its ugly head, when the injustice seems so wrong..."thoughts and prayers" can seem so shallow, so powerless, so disproportionate a response to so grand a situation.  And, more often than not, they are.  Even if we actually give a thought or say a prayer (I know I'm guilty of saying so and then not following through), how pitiful are our thoughts and how tepid our prayers.

The Bible we purport to believe in with all our hearts and live out all our days holds us to a far higher standard and invites us to activate a far more powerful response.  The story of the Good Samaritan tells us that at the core of being a believer is going the extra mile for those who society tells us we should shun.  Far from just thoughts, we are to take actions, costly and consistent and caring actions.  Indeed, there is no such thing as an isolated thought, for thought must necessarily take action if it is a legitimate thought at all. 

And, over and again the God of the Bible invites us to call on His Name.  For what resources or compassion or power do we have, except the ability to move the hand that moves the world?  When God's people truly pray, truly empty themselves before Him and ask Him to intervene, He can make rain in dry land, move mountains, heal broken hearts, and turn the hearts of rulers.

Real thoughts and real prayers are really impactful.  But I don't blame people for being upset at the "thoughts and prayers" we usually offer, because they are weak sauce.  The world is hurting, and the opportunity is there, and instead of real thoughts and real prayers we do so little and ask even less of our mighty God.  Shame on us. 

7.12.2016

What Matters to Us

There is nothing inherently noble about hardship.  Sometimes we make life unnecessarily complicated for ourselves and we don't even know it.  And sometimes gutting out difficult times can be a gateway to a pride that destroys us from within.  True, true, and true.

And yet it is also true that the really meaningful things in life are often quite arduous to go through.  Rising up against injustice.  Making tough and costly decisions.  Truly loving someone when it is painful and thankless to do so.

When we get to the end of our lives, what will we remember?  Will it be good times, unforgettable experiences, and meaningful relationships?  Will those memories reconcile with the opportunity we had to truly make a difference in someone's life, in our peer group, in society as a whole?  Will we regale our grand-kids with awesome stories and touching moments and have them scratch their heads that we didn't have anything to say about standing up to the day's evils? 

Our Facebook timelines may or may not be accurate reflections of our thoughts and actions, and they may not represent the things we will remember and pass on to our kids and grand-kids.  But they are a proxy of sorts for what matters to us.  There is nothing wrong with vacation shots, birthday parties, and cat pics.  But a life that is just that, that is silent when what the world needs is for us to speak out, that conveys comfort and ease when struggle and hardship is in order, I fear that life is incomplete, no matter how full it feels. 

7.07.2016

Well, I Can Always Post More Pictures of Asher

Blogging is supposed to be free-form, "think out loud" writing, and in fact that's the approach I take with my personal page.  But lately I've struggled, because a lot of what I want to muse about falls into one of two categories:

(1) Something I am interested in but don't know much about.  I suppose that never stopped me before, but I'm loath to put something out there that is uninformed and unfair.

(2) Something I am interested in and know a lot about, but I have to be careful about writing about on account of something I'm working on at work.  Not that I'm not allowed to have a personal opinion on issues I'm working on, but it's just easier and more appropriate to not muddy things with my own individual musings.

And you wonder why I end up just posting pictures of Asher.  Now you know.



7.05.2016

On Time

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=4297902
Fridays are stressful for me at work.  It's when I often have to get something out to a client by, and in general I'm trying to tie things up so that I have fewer things looming over me over the weekend.  To further turn up the heat, at just the moment I could use more discretionary time to handle these matters, I'm often confronted with meeting after meeting (some pre-planned, some spur of the moment), meaning more things to button up and less time to do so.

This past Friday was the day before a holiday weekend to boot, so while it might seem a natural time to ease into the good times, all it meant for me was more things due and more interest in zeroing out my to-do list.  So I headed into work with even more of a game face on, ready to tackle a day's worth of meetings and a daunting list of things to get a handle on in between those meetings.

Alas, almost immediately, before many of my co-workers had even arrived, I was faced with not one, not two, but three semi-emergencies from home - one health-related, one kid-related, and one house-related.  I spent the rest of the day distracted by calls and texts, or else the impending need to answer a cal or text, and to compound matters I had to leave the office early, leaving behind a couple of cancelled meetings and a whole slew of tasks.  My holiday weekend didn't really start until after midnight that day, since that's how long it took for me to tend to those tasks once the kids had gone to bed.

Midnight, of course, is way later than I'm used to going to sleep, and Asher didn't get the memo that I could've benefited from sleeping in.  Thankfully, I had our local Y to rely on, in that I could bring him into their Kid Watch and have some desperately needed me time, in the form of running and lifting - something I'd had to pass on every single day that past week on account of a certain child who had decided that my coveted morning exercise time was the best time for him to want to hang out with his daddy.

Alas, that went haywire too, as he cried inconsolably once I dropped him off, and when he hadn't stopped 20 minutes later the kind people at Kid Watch were obligated to come get me.  I stomped home with Asher, completely defeated by the constant intrusion of life into my already scarce alone time.

Others may more fluidly weave between work and family obligations, but not me.  And, others may be able to recharge without needing to be alone, but not me.  There's nothing inherently good or bad about me being this way, it's just the way I'm wired.  But it is something I will have to figure out, partly by just making time to recharge, and partly by realizing that my life is such that I am going to learn how to deal.

But there's a broader life lesson in here.  There's a famous story about how seminarians were asked to prepare a sermon on the famous "Good Samaritan" story in the Bible.  They were given different levels of urgent announcements at the end of their preparation when told to head over to the hall where they were to give their sermons, but each participant had to encounter a person in need not unlike the situation in the Bible story.  As it turns out, participants' willingness to stop to help the person in need - in other words, to actually live out the lesson in the Bible story - depended on how urgently they were told they needed to arrive at the hall.  Those who did not have to rush were more likely to help, while those who had to make haste wouldn't give the person in need a moment's consideration.

A wise friend of mine offered a plausible takeaway from the Bible story and from this little social experiment, which is that we should build in "Samaritan time" so that we didn't feel so rushed by our life obligations that we couldn't spare a moment for a person in need.  I think that's a great idea and it has obvious relevance for me; I'm pretty good at saying no, but sometimes not good enough, and so my weekly schedule has few release valves to give me a sense that I have time to spare if something comes up.

But I think another takeaway is that we can fill our lives so full, even and perhaps especially with good things, that we miss out on opportunities to be and do exactly as God's plan for us.  Not only have we filled our schedules but we have decided that what those schedules contain is so essential that they cannot take a backseat to something new that we did not expect.  And so we either repel that new thing or chafe at its power over us to keep us from what we can now not do because of its arrival.  And yet as important as it might be to give a sermon on the Good Samaritan, we should be open to the possibility that God wants us to be the Good Samaritan along the way.

A wise older Christian who once mentored me in the faith described this to me as "sacramental living."  I'm not sure I understand the terminology but what I was told it means is that our entire life is from God, and that therefore we should accept every new thing that enters into our life - expected and unexpected - as from Him and for good.  It is a hard but good thing for me to learn, so carefully planned and tightly calibrated is my current existence.  I may need more down time than others, and thicker lines between work and family, but God help me to be fully present wherever I am and to trust that if something comes up then whatever else has to wait - whether work, family, or me time - can wait.

7.04.2016

Happy 240th Birthday, America

https://peopleint.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/united-states-declaration-of-independence.jpgAmerica, past and present, is flawed.  The nice and tidy narratives - about our founding fathers and the Bill of Rights and checks and balances and equal opportunity - they unravel with just a cursory poking and prodding. We have much to be ashamed of, and much that stains our historical record and our global reputation.

And yet I would not trade this country for anything.  It is far and away the best thing humanity has ever seen, and its best days lie ahead.  We aspire to a worthy ideal and we aim to achieve it more and more each day.  Let the great experiment continue.

7.01.2016

Office Space


https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/dvd/fox/officespace/Office3_L.jpgSince we just moved up a floor at work last week, and have been preparing and packing and designing for months before that, I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of the modern office.  One might easily argue that its purpose is now obsolete:

·        *  It was once for status, but we have become more egalitarian.

·        *  It was once the sole location for the best tech (remember that Cyber Monday became a thing because people only had high-speed Internet access at work) but now we have equally good tools in their pocket. 

·        *  And, it was once to make sure workers were working and not slacking, and that they were all working at the same time and place, but now we are self-motivated and asynchronous and untethered. 

So what’s left?  Well, human contact still matters, and not just formal meetings but the serendipity of conversations across desks and at water coolers.  Furthermore, no matter how inherently hard-working we are, being in an office provides an accountability layer that helps people stay on task better than if they were at home or in a coffee shop.  On a related note, the office for me becomes a way that I can draw a clearer line between work and non-work time – of course sometimes I do work tasks at home and non-work tasks at work, but having specific space designated for work allows me to be more focused while I’m there and more unplugged when I’m not. 

In our case, we are far bigger than one or two people but far smaller than thousands.  And, we genuinely enjoy our work and each other.  So it makes for a pleasant work environment, even as we are faced with difficult tasks and stressful deadlines.  Still, I suspect that no matter what the organization, having an office, and having it be a physical nice and well-organized one, will continue to be important to both efficiency and happiness.

Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 522

  Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "Moby Dick," by Herman Melville. Again, I always go to sea as a sailor, bec...