We're In This Together

 

I’ve often lamented in this space about the divisiveness in our contemporary culture. But today I want to sound a related but different alarm, which is that we are not only shutting ourselves off from interaction with “the other side” but from any meaningful social interaction at all. 

Blame Netflix, social media, or poor health habits all you want. The fact of the matter is that many of us have largely chosen to deprioritize the kinds of social interactions that were commonplace just a generation ago. I’m not talking about going out on planned things like dates and family vacations and business dinners. I’m talking about the banal rhythms of everyday life: chatting with a neighbor as you grab the paper in the morning, saying hi to “the regulars” at your local Y, and Monday morning quarterbacking around the office water cooler. 

We are in a vicious doom loop of isolation, unhappiness, distrust, and more isolation. Not good for our individual and collective health, or for our ability to see humanity in others different from us. Particularly pronounced among our young “digital natives,” who are more likely to “hang out” with their friends virtually (or, even when together in person, to have noses buried in screens). And particularly damaging to our elders, for whom social connection builds the resilience they need to overcome the isolating effects of aging. 

I don’t know the societal solution that turns this around. I do know that I have influence on my children, to go out and be with others rather than stay home and watch TV. And I do know that I can prepare for the older version of me, that perhaps through church and golf and the gym I can access the social touches that will keep me from spiraling into suspicion, conspiracy, and loneliness. I can only hope that, as a society and as individuals, we will choose together over apart. 

If I may append a fun anecdote to this post from this month, I found the Eagles Super Bowl championship parade to be a sublime experience. Obviously it was great to celebrate a dominant team and a decisive win. But I think what I enjoyed the most about the gathering of me and about a million other football fans was the cheery spirit that was exhibited by all in attendance. We were united, if only for a day, with a shared allegiance to and appreciation of our local football team. And that collegiality was infectious. 

I was with Asher, my 9-year-old, and two friends, who I’ll call Hannah and Steve. At one point, it was so crowded and we were going against the general direction of people movement that I grabbed Asher’s hand and Hannah grabbed his other hand and we slowly wormed our way through the crowd. When we finally emerged, minutes later, into a more open area, we started walking at a normal pace until we realized that Steve (who is a big guy) had been caught up in the crowd and was taking much longer to catch up to us. In a panic, we called at to him to try to locate him and get him back to us. Others around us picked up on our plight and joined us in calling out Steve’s name. 

When Steve eventually emerged from the crowd and caught up to us, everyone cheered and then started chanting his name as if it were part of the Eagles’ fight song: S! T! E! V! E! Steve! And then they resumed their festivities while we went on our way. It was but a moment, but a telling one, that a football team, a Super Bowl win, and a large-scale gathering in the middle of downtown Philadelphia, could engender such spontaneous and joyous togetherness. I hope we can have many more such moments, as a city and as a society. For our individual health and our collective democracy depend on it.