Life Lessons from Golf

 

A couple of months ago I recorded a few life lessons I feel I’ve learned from the game of golf. And then I promptly forgot about the list (even if I have continued to integrate the insights onto the course and the rest of my world). 

I figured today would be a fun day to revisit and elaborate on these life lessons. And, it serves as a nice boost to the mental aspect of my golf game to think these things through further.

 

1. Cheating only cheats yourself. 

I’m not gunning to qualify for the professional circuit, just trying to compete against myself. And the only good way to do so is to come by your scores honestly; otherwise you’re not getting better at the game, just at gaming the game. Not that I’ve been perfect at this, as I’ve been known to be expansive in my definition of a “gimme” putt or “accidentally” kick my ball to a better lie (although to be fair, it’s usually to keep up pace of play or compensate for bad conditions). Similarly, in life if you cheat, then whatever you gain from the cheat you lose from short-cutting some other beneficial thing that could’ve happened if you didn’t cheat.

 

2. Don’t let anger over a bad shot or joy from a good shot distract you from what you need to do for the next shot. 

When I was first getting started (and this is still largely true), I was always the worst and least experienced player in the group. It was stark for me to watch folks go about their business on the course, compared to my plummeting when I hit a bad shot or soaring the few times I hit a good one. Emotional responses are natural, but not if they get in the way of your ability to focus on the shot in front of you (because you’re still either cursing or celebrating your previous one). In life, it’s good to mourn bad things and celebrate good things, and it’s also good to give yourself fully to this present moment.

 

3. Even if you’re competing w/others, you should want them to do well. 

Professional golf is literally a competition, where I win by doing better than others. Even then, golfers will show genuine excitement when their opponents do something great. The sport and the shared humanity are bigger than the competition, in that regard. So it is in life, where we can want to win and yet also want those we compete with to excel. I’m not often competing on the course, but I will say the few times I do (e.g. “let’s play closest to the pin on this tee shot, loser buys lunch”), I find myself rooting for the others even more, I guess because part of the competitive juices flowing is wanting to compete against the best versions of your opponents.

 

4. Luck is such that good shots can lead to bad results, and bad shots can lead to good results. 

“Trust the process” has been beaten into the ground around here, but it is no less true. Luck can ruin what was otherwise a good decision and action, or mask what was otherwise a poor decision and action. But a good golf game and a good life is not built on one-off chances, but rather on doing the right things the right way, accepting that any given situation may be random, and trusting that in the long haul things will work out your way if you keep at it. If I had a bad swing but a good result, I will still make note to work on that swing, just like if I failed to prepare for a meeting and it still went well, I will still want to make note not to be unprepared like that again. Similarly, if I had a good swing but a bad result, I want my takeaway to be one that boosts my confidence rather than negates my abilities, just like if did a good job in an interview but didn’t get the project, I want to hold my head up high and feel good about what I was able to accomplish.

 

5. Practicing w/intent builds muscle memory and confidence; both are needed to perform on the course. 

Baseball ironman Cal Ripken Jr. used to say “practice doesn’t make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect.” Meaning that what makes practice work is that you are practicing the right things the right way. Golf, like most things we learn in life, depends on creating muscle memory such that you are able to execute without thinking after a while. Practicing with intention is what creates that muscle memory. Also, since golf is so much about rhythm and confidence, executing a specific shot in practice boosts your comfort level that you can execute that same shot elsewhere. So much success in life is about deciding what is worth practicing, figuring out how to practice it, and then putting in the work until it becomes routinized. Everything after that is easy, because you have trained your body and boosted your confidence to be able to do it on call. Whether on the course or in life, I find myself telling myself, “OK you’ve practiced this exact scenario before and you know what to do,” and then I don’t need any more thoughts because I’m ready to go.

 

6. Surround yourself w/people who make you happy.

As an introvert who doesn’t mind playing solo rounds, I have to say the social aspect of golf is probably my favorite thing. There’s something about being outdoors, playing an impossible game, and traveling from hole to hole and shot to shot, that lubricates social interaction and fosters incredible chemistry. I’ve been lucky to avoid playing with people who are jerks, and have tried hard to myself not be a jerk. There’s nothing that can happen on a golf course that makes up for spending the round with someone who you don’t want to be around. I think that applies to all other aspects of one’s life too. Choose your playing partners wisely! And then be the sort of companion you want your companions to be. Life is too short and stress is too costly to act otherwise.

 

7. Whether you’re trusting your gut or overriding it because someone has advised otherwise, own the action without wavering. 

By nature, I’m probably more on the reserved and cautious side. In my life, I’ve had to train myself to be more decisive. I’ve learned that the best time to make a decision is usually earlier than I might otherwise feel comfortable doing so, because that comfort-seeking can mask an unwillingness to commit that ends up hurting me more than it helps me. However you end up making a decision – whether trusting your gut, weighing the options and then making a call, or taking the advice of someone you trust – you have to own that decision and move on it without regret. This could not be more practical than on the golf course, where any uncertainty about what you’re trying to do gets reflected in an imprecise swing and a bad result.

 

8. Wisdom is knowing where you can miss and where you can’t.

Course management is particularly important for those of us who are still learning to control distance and aim. We know we are going to miss our spot a lot, so the question is what misses can you live with and what misses will prove more costly. I think this is my most powerful metaphor between golf and life. I’ve learned to assess a situation on the course, decide what my safest play is, and proceed accordingly. In fact, whether I’m alone or with others, I usually say my thought process aloud: “ok, I have to get this chip onto the green; I can live with a longer putt back down the hill, but what I can’t do is under-hit it and end up in the bunker in front of the green.” This risk assessment processing is critically important in life, which is similarly filled with obstacles, uncertainty, and an imperfect ability to execute exactly what we’re trying to accomplish.