What Matters More Than Truth

I'm not sure what is more common these days: complaints about how polarizing our public discourse has become, or anger at how people who choose to see the merits of "both sides" are not condemning the "other side."  That's...not good.  Although it may feel nice in our wounded state to lash out at others and win accolades from our peers, this state of affairs does not bode well for unity or progress.

And maybe that's the point.  Who wouldn't say they're for unity and progress?  But, in a diverse and messy nation, who is willing to do the hard work to achieve them?  Maybe it makes sense to accept that our best way forward is to tend to our wounds and feel better about ourselves.




Pick any number of controversial topics that are swirling about today.  Playing it safe against COVID-19 versus opening up the economy again.  The ground-breaking work of Nikole Hannah-Jones in "The 1619 Project" versus the growing body of historians who blanche at some of the inaccuracies in the work.  Sexual assault accusations against Justice Kavanaugh and Vice President Biden.  It seems like forever ago, but I'll even throw in President Trump's impeachment hearing.

In all such cases and many more, there is often the veneer of truth-seeking, but dig a little deeper and you'll find (and if we're honest with ourselves, this applies to our own thoughts and behaviors) that we care about many things more than the truth.  To acknowledge that the other side has some credence, a leg to stand on, a shred of decency and humanity, is unacceptable. I'm right, you're wrong; I have the moral high ground, the other side wants to kill grandma or doesn't care about sexual abuse survivors; I consider the truth sacrosanct, no matter where it takes me; black lives matter; all lives matter.

For as diverse a people as we are, the tragic irony is that we are not all the different.  We want to be loved and respected.  We want to be safe, and for our loved ones to be safe.  We want our opinion to matter.  We want to live in a country governed by the rule of law, and we want that law to be applied without prejudice or malice.

Sexual assault is a terrible thing with complex ramifications.  A global pandemic is scary and messy and devastating and anxiety-producing.  Race in America is a fraught topic.  Donald Trump is a uniquely divisive figure.  Why would we not expect a wide range of emotions and opinions and fears and wants to be voiced?  And why would we not expect the resulting public discourse to be noisy and discordant and hurtful and confusing?

We want the truth, to be sure.  But we desire other, more important things before we can get there.  We want people to take our safety as seriously as their own.  We want to be treated with respect.  We want to be afforded the space to be, to speak up, to matter.  We don't want to be ridiculed or mocked for expressing our opinions and needs.  We deserve to call BS when people are being BS, and for people to be secure enough to say "my bad."  And for that matter, the following are things we need to feel safe enough to say and valued enough to hear: "I'm sorry," "I didn't know," "you're right," "it helps me when you listen to and value what I say," "it helps me when I listen to and value what you say," "I'm going to keep quiet because I don't know what I'm talking about," "you should keep quiet because I know what I'm talking about."

I could go on, but I'm going to stop there.  We want to think we're all about the truth and everyone is an idiot, that we're about all about science and history and law and justice and the other side is evil.  Truth matters for sure.  But we can't get there without reconciliation and humanity and decency.  Let's not give up on each other.  We may hate what others stand for, and it may frustrate us to no end that they don't see things our way.  But we need each other, now more than ever.  Let's get to the truth, and let's get there together.