See Color

Asher and I are out and about a lot, and of course we get some double-takes, which I understand, since even in a cosmopolitan place like our neighborhood it's not often you see an Asian dude with a little black boy.  Sometimes the interactions are mean-spirited, like the time three boys came up to Asher and, after Asher insisted I was his daddy, said "no he isn't," laughed, spit at Asher, and ran away.  Usually it's far more innocent, like when I was picking Asher up from Kid Watch at the Y and the boy next to him gave a puzzled look and said, "he can't be your dad, he's a different color than you."

Some parents might be horrified to think that even five-year-olds see color, but the fact of the matter is that we are different shades, and even the littlest of boys and girls can see that.  Usually at that age, there's no more importance associated with this observation.  But, when we as parents shush our kids, as if their statement is rude or uncouth, kids learn that these differences are to be shrouded in shame.  Which is truly a shame, since we parents owe our kids lots of honest conversations about race while they are growing up under our roofs.  And if we act like, and our kids pick up on, color being something you just don't mention, then it makes those conversations and that work that much harder to happen.




I recall a few years back when Aaron had three friends over, two white and one black.  They were drawing at the kitchen table, and I was nearby putting dishes away.  Aaron gestured at his black friend and said, "pass me the black pen," and the two white friends immediately pointed an accusing finger and shouted, "ooh!!!"  Aaron gave them and then me a quizzical look.  We talked about it after.  I told them those boys' kitchen table conversations must have instilled in them a sense that you didn't talk about race, to the point that you couldn't even mention the color black.  Another quizzical look from Aaron, since race is a very common conversation topic in our household, so I had to tell him that sometimes people are uncomfortable with the subject, and in their discomfort they convey that same uneasiness to their kids.

Little boys and girls see color.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It shouldn't come with negative stereotypes or spitting at each other.  But nor should it be shushed.  If you want us as a country to do better on the issue of race, for goodness sake start by talking to your kids.