Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 170

Here are a couple of excerpts from a book I recently read, "Beauty in the Broken Places: A Memoir of Love, Faith, and Resilience," by Allison Pataki:

I was so weary of hearing comments like “I could never do what you are doing” and “I don’t know how you’re doing it.” Each comment like that, well-intentioned as it was, only seemed to shine a fresh spotlight on how undesirable my life and our circumstances were. It was like a compliment that highlighted the pain. I was also tired of hearing “We’re worried about you” and “You can’t do this alone.” 

If there had been a transcript for my thoughts when I heard remarks like that, it would have gone something like this: First of all, I’m not “doing it,” whatever you think “it” is that I’m doing. I’m barely coping. I’m getting through each day by fighting back tears and meltdowns, and then at night I thrash around in bed wrestling anxiety and fear and sadness and anger. But not sleep. Sleep is impossible, even though I need sleep. Even though I’m more exhausted than I could have ever imagined possible. So, please, don’t commend me. 

Second, you could do it. Because it’s not a choice. This stroke was foisted on my family. It’s not like we chose it and then decided whether or not we could deal with it. We have to deal with it because it’s our reality. And if it was your reality, you would have to deal with it, too. I don’t ever wish this on you, but if you had to do it, you would have to do it, just like I have to do it. And OK, if you’re worried about me, then pick up some groceries for me, or come over and hold my baby so I can take a shower or a nap. I’m not doing this alone by choice; I don’t want to be alone. I’m asking for all the help I can. I need help. So any help you would like to offer would be appreciated. But don’t tell me you’re worried, because then, being the pleaser that I am, I will worry that you are worried. That shifts the burden onto me to now have to somehow reassure you that I’ll be OK and that you can stop worrying. See how that happens? And I don’t need that right now. 

Fortunately, I never said any of that aloud, at least not in that raw of a delivery, but in some of my lower moments, that was how I felt.

My Completely Uninformed Take on the 10 Most Consequential TV Shows of the Past 30 Years

Having spoken out of turn on music and movies, let's now turn to TV.  What shows have been the most consequential in the past 30 years?  Given that I watch very little TV, I am ill-prepared to answer the question.  But I love exploring pop culture, so why not ask it, and then provide some thoughts borne of ignorance, in the hopes that others can add to the conversation?

Some ground rules first.  By "consequential," I mean a combination of influence on contemporary society as well as influence on the art form itself.  So bonus points for shows that captured or drove the zeitgeist, and for shows that broke ground for other shows that followed.

OK, enough meandering...here's my list:  

Social Graces

If you are reading this, you are probably at least somewhat active on social media.  So you probably have an opinion on what you should post about yourself and how much you should share.  And/or you have an opinion, upon reading others people’s content, on what is appropriate to broach and what is appropriate about how to broach it.

A common complaint about social media is that no matter how personal or detailed our posts are, they are not really who we are but rather are carefully crafted avatars of who we want people to think we are.  I am just as guilty if not more so than others in this.  But, and perhaps this is because I am getting older, another part of me is comfortable posting whatever I feel like, independent of what people will think about me as a result. 

What Am I Worth

I ran this quote earlier in the month from a book I recently read, "What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen," by Kate Fagan: 

I am sick and tired of hearing the facile, tired response that my generation is “soft” and has been ill equipped by coddling “helicopter parents.” My parents, and those of my peers do not fit this straw man caricature and my peers are extremely hard-working, intelligent, and ambitious. I went to weekly group therapy provided by my school’s Counseling Center last year. What I learned about myself and about my peers was that our main source of stress was that we were simply not allowed to be human. My generation is not suffering because we didn’t learn how to lose a game of flag football. We’re suffering because everything we do is filtered through a lens of consumerism. We see ourselves as “products” to be “branded” and “marketed” in all venues of our lives: social, romantic, and professional. This has been a mindset inculcated into us from an early age. 

Everything we do is seen as instrumental towards marketing ourselves for the college admission boards, or for the job market, or to help us rush a fraternity or sorority, or to help us win friends, or to help us be a more attractive potential partner. You see the capitalist worldview has infiltrated our psychology, and our sense of self-worth. And it is toxic. It results in fear of being ourselves and following what we really want to do. It results in micro-managing every aspect of our lives to best effect so that it looks good for Facebook or LinkedIn or Tinder. It results in constant comparisons with our peers (which causes depression) and catastrophizing of any potential dent to our marketability (which results in anxiety). Essentially, it results in a dehumanized mindset.

These words are not from Madison Holleran, the Penn student and track star who tragically took her own life in 2014, nor are they from Fagan, the author of this book, but are rather from a student/therapist transcript that was posted as part of an NPR episode about mental health on college campuses.  They resonate with me because they get at an important struggle our young people face in an age of always-on social media and stressful college admissions processes, which is the struggle with self-worth.

Lazy Linking, 212th in an Occasional Series

Stuff I liked lately on the Internets:

212.1 Polar vortex + frozen outsides + rotting insides = "ghost apples" bit.ly/2GMbunZ @thisiscolossal

212.2 Astounding to me that w/so much financial gain + social well-being at stake, Twitter is poorly set up to do the very thing we use it for, which is to have and follow a complex conversation bit.ly/2Ebba0n @theatlantic

212.3 An unanticipated consequence of heavy Chinese investment in infrastructure in Africa: the Africans are converting the Chinese to Christianity bit.ly/2tqtSe9 @unherd

212.4 A new wave of celebrities leaning into chastity, piety, and "cool" Christianity bit.ly/2tnkdVD @voxdotcom

212.5 By far the biggest life hack in terms of productivity and immunity: getting a good night's sleep bit.ly/2GnjKeC @guardianus

Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 169

Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "The New Silk Roads: A New History
of the World," by Peter Frankopan.

Christianity has long been associated with the Mediterranean and western Europe. In part, this has been due to the location of the leadership of the church, with the senior figures of the Catholic, Anglican and Orthodox churches based in Rome, Canterbury and Constantinople (modern Istanbul) respectively. But in fact every aspect of early Christianity was Asian. Its geographic focal point, of course, was Jerusalem, together with the other sites related to Jesus’ birth, life and crucifixion; its original language was Aramaic, a member of the Semitic group of tongues native to the Near East; its theological backdrop and spiritual canvas was Judaism, formed in Israel and during the exile in Egypt and Babylon; its stories were shaped by the deserts, floods, droughts and famines that were unfamiliar in Europe.

Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 168

Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen," by Kate Fagan:

When Maddy was in middle school, she would walk to school in the mornings with kids in the neighborhood. As the year went on, she started timing how long the walk took. Once she had that specific number, she needed the next day to be faster, and the day after that, faster still. By the end of the year, she was speed-walking, occasionally breaking into a jog, to beat the previous day’s time. There was something satisfying, calming almost, about controlling time and output in this way. She had created these little tests for herself, ones that she was fairly certain she could pass. That felt good, reassuring: no, nothing was out of her control. 

Maddy was addicted to progress, to the idea that her life would move in one vector—always forward, always improving—as opposed to the hills and valleys, the sideways and backward and upside down, that adults eventually learn to accept as more closely resembling reality. Maddy was not unique in feeling this way. Much of young adulthood is presented as a ladder, each rung closer to success, or whatever our society has defined as success. Perhaps climbing the ladder is tiring, but it is not confusing. You are never left wondering if you’ve made the wrong choice, or expended energy in the wrong direction, because there is only the one rung above you. Get good grades. Get better at your sport. Take the SAT. Do volunteer work. Apply to colleges. Choose a college. But then you get to college, and suddenly you’re out of rungs and that ladder has turned into a massive tree with hundreds of sprawling limbs, and progress is no longer a thing you can easily measure, because there are now thousands of paths to millions of destinations. And none are linear.

Hedging or Believing

I have been thinking a lot lately about how our prayers for those in d
ire need are a litmus test of our faith in God.  Think back to the last time you lifted up someone, say for example, who was sick even to the point of death.  Did you pray out of obligation because you know that's what you do when something very important is out of our hands?  Did you plead with the Almighty from a place of desperation and desire?  Did you invoke a sense of His goodness and might being on the line, that to answer Your prayer would bring glory to Him?

Recommended Reads, 32nd in a Quarterly Series

Stuff I read lately that I would recommend:

Martin Luther: The Man Who Rediscovered God and Changed the World (Metaxas).  Almost as good as his Bonhoeffer bio, and on just as interesting and important a subject.

Wonder (Palacio).  Well after both my older kids had read this, I got around to it.  Really sweet.

The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America (Rothstein).  I knew some but not all of this, and the whole sweep left me profoundly sad about how rampant and institutional racism has been in this country.

The Square and the Tower: Networks and Power, from the Freemasons to Facebook (Ferguson).  A really interesting historical exploration of hierarchies versus networks.

Born Trump: Inside America’s First Family (Fox).  The dad does not come out of this looking good.

What Made Maddy Run: The Secret Struggles and Tragic Death of an All-American Teen (Fagan).  Even though I knew the ending, it was still incredibly sad to get there. 

Lazy Linking, 211th in an Occasional Series

Stuff I liked lately on the Internets:

211.1 List of best eats in West Philly demonstrates just how diverse and awesome my neighborhood is bit.ly/2WaJ8ZQ @phillymag

211.2 It may have been tone deaf to suggest to federal workers during the govt shutdown that they just need to save more, but the call to increase our savings rate is one almost all Americans need to heed bloom.bg/2FWst7a @bopinion

211.3 What if our most used/recognizable websites did the 10-year challenge? A fascinating look-back to a very long time ago in Internet years bit.ly/2FVDFjN @zhenpixels

211.4 In the era of Instagram, we know photos can lie insofar as what we choose to post, but the backstory behind this iconic image reminds us that how the pics themselves are framed is not without bias bit.ly/2HKx6mO @kottke

211.5 Rigorous analysis finds that homes in majority black neighborhoods are systematically valued lower (even after controlling for house and neighborhood quality), robbing African-Americans of billions in household wealth brook.gs/2rfVQZ7 @brookings