What Do You Call Someone Who Speaks One Language

I'm not much of a joke-teller, but one I usually have the courage to
break out goes like this:

What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks one language? American.

Between Utah residents calling for their state government's
Spanish-version website to be taken down to my own city's uproar over
the local cheesesteak owner's sign that says, "This is America -- when
ordering, speak English," the fact that many Americans only speak one
language is well in play.

As a nation of immigrants and the self-proclaimed "melting pot" of the
world, we should be ashamed of our unilingual narrow-mindedness.
Don't get me wrong: I'm all for assimilation. I believe that if you
want to be a citizen you have to take on the responsiblity of
citizenship, including learning the dominant (some would want it to be
"official") language of the land.

But most of the rest of the world speaks two or three or more
languages, and are better off for it. Sometimes it's out of
necessity: nearby countries speak other languages, or a tribal tongue
is used in one setting and an official language in business settings.
And sometimes it's just for making a connection to a broader array of
cultural experiences: being able to cross a border or criss-cross the
world and have dialogue with others.

Have we gotten so geographically and culturally isolated, so mentally
insular, so xenophobically threatened that while the rest of the world
runs circles around us in multi-cultural openness that we demand our
citizens get municipal information and our customers order
cheesesteaks using just English?

If so, then the next time you travel to another country where English
isn't the dominant language, don't talk loudly in English and expect
everyone else to understand you. Although most of the rest of the
world, no matter how this behavior makes them bristle, will probably
accommodate you anyway. After all, I'm pretty sure if you went to
Cancun, for example, you wouldn't find a sign that says, "Esto es
México -- al ordenar, habla español."