Rejection

 

Fear of failure is natural. No one likes to fall on their face, be told no, have a door slammed in their face. 

But, fear of failure can also be crippling. If we are afraid to fail, we can become afraid to try, to put ourselves out there, to take chances. And, once we do that, we cut ourselves off from growing, having impact, discovering new opportunities.

So it's critical to ask ourselves, are we so afraid to fail that we are missing out on pathways to success? And, is there anything we can do to overcome that fear of failure?

Of the many ways I consider myself fortunate, having a stable childhood and generally smooth life has allowed me to bear many exposure points to failure and rejection. When we have limited bandwidth, emotionally and financially and in terms of options available to us, we are less able to take big swings because we have less to fall back on. Conversely, when we are emotionally healthy and financially secure, we can withstand setbacks and have another go. So I understand that I'm speaking from a place of privilege that many others are not afforded.

I think most of us can look back to past experiences that prepared us to look failure in the eye and not blink even if it got the best of us. Early exposure to music and sports taught me that in order to do anything, like learn a piece or compete in a game, you have to fail a lot. No one masters playing a symphony on the first try, and no one makes every shot or gets a hit every time up, of course. Mentally, this is obvious. But the practice of practicing a piece or a shot or a swing over and over again, failing badly many times along the way, has a way of cementing that lesson.

Of course I have failed and been rejected many times since I was a kid playing piano and baseball. I am glad for all the times I put myself out there - asking a girl on a date, wanting to be friends with someone, taking a hard class I had no business taking, seeking out work assignments where I was certain I hadn't the foggiest what to do and would have to figure it out by trial and error - and if anything in retrospect I only wish I had put myself out there more rather than act so conservatively.

Golf, of course, is an activity I love that is humbling when it comes to failure, since bad decisions and bad shots are ubiquitous. So too is parenting a role in which we will doubt ourselves, fall on our face, and have things blow up spectacularly before our eyes. If there is anything successful I've done in life, it's been because of and not in spite of failing so many times in so many different ways.

My faith serves as an anchor and safety net when bearing up rejection and failure. That God forgives, redeems our worst errors, and picks us up when we have had the door slammed in our face is incredibly liberating and stabilizing. This is manifest in our own direct relationship with Him as well as in the precious relationships He has sent our way, such as our life partner and cherished mentors and dear friends. 

What is your feeling about failure and rejection? Do you fear it, avoid it, try to cast it out of your mind? Or do you embrace it, learn from it, become emboldened by it? It's a good question to ask ourselves as we journey through life, choosing either to go for it or play it safe, with our enjoyment and impact hanging in the balance.