The Second Person of Color in the Room

I alluded to this in a post a few years back, but I often find myself being the second person of color in a room.  What do I mean by that?  Some group has a token person of color in it, and has now added me.  And, invariably, an issue comes up in which race is an obvious relevant aspect, and I am left to either give my assent when the other person of color raises this, or I am the first to raise it and the other person of color expresses their relief that finally there is someone besides them who is willing to speak up.

Diversity in groups cannot mean all white people except for one person.  Most people would agree with that.  Equity in group cannot mean simply the composition of the room but also the distribution of power.  Most people understand and can assent to that statement as well.  What may be less appreciated is the fact that, independent of where power lies, if the composition of the room is disproportionately not people of color, it creates a very difficult dynamic for those remaining few people of color.




Most places in America are not 100 percent homogeneous.  But I would argue that token diversity is almost as unhelpful as places where there is zero diversity.  Because what happens when, independent of the power composition, there are so few people of color in the room, is that it is exceedingly hard for those people of color to avoid the assimilating impulse of keeping quiet and not rocking the boat.  Maybe people aren't outright racist in their presence, and maybe they even know to keep stray comments to themselves that can represent micro-aggressions.  At this point, most people know better.

But there is such an overwhelming desire when something comes up that is race-related and potentially uncomfortable, for people to hope that nothing controversial or messy needs to be said.  Because people are desperate to avoid any sense that that something is wrong and that they are in the wrong.  And it can be really difficult, no matter what the power dynamic is in the group, to say otherwise, because to do so is to unravel the delicate balance that allows everyone to feel good about themselves and for everyone to feel included.

Yet those fissures are there in plain sight.  Asians have borne much of the weight of the "model minority" label, but many successful places have people of all racial and ethnic backgrounds, and the accompanying implicit or explicit sentiment of "well you're a good guy and did all the right things" cuts people besides Asians.  It is offensive to the individual and to the group they're part of to be told some permutation of "you're one of the good ones."  But it can be difficult to give anything back in response beyond a shrug or a sheepish grin, because the uneasy peace in the group depends on you not pushing back.

Of course, not to excuse us from standing up when we have the opportunity to do so.  I am more courageous now, but it wasn't long ago that I would regularly be in groups with other guys when someone would say something sexist or misogynistic, and I would chuckle along rather than saying "hey that's uncool."  The fact that I did that because it meant more to me to be one of the guys than to call out bad behavior just proves that there was a reason for my behavior, not that the reason was a good one.  In fact, most of us would say that calling out bad behavior is way more important than fitting in with a group that is willing to engage in bad behavior, so all in all it's a pretty terrible reason.

Anyway, being the first person of color in the room is a tough position.  As is being the second person of color.  Only when we are willing to push for real diversity will we see the kind of truly inclusive and edifying places that we all long for.