UNTIL YOU KNOW, YOU DON’T KNOW
My colleagues and I at work talk a lot about social capital. We use this term somewhat fluidly to mean one of two things: what people you know (i.e. the quality and quantity of your social network) and what etiquette you know (i.e. social norms that allow you to function in society). Many of the students in our program have one or two parents missing from their home lives, and combined with an abysmal public school system and an economically distressed neighborhood translate into a dearth of social capital on both fronts.
Poverty of money and of love are, to be sure, serious obstacles for people to have to overcome. But we take poverty of social capital just as seriously. In life, as in business, it’s who you know that will determine your future opportunities and your future successes. But wait, that seems so slimy, so inauthentic, no? Ah, you are probably someone who is rich in the first kind of social capital. You take for granted that you got your first job because your classmate’s mom runs the catalog department at the local Sears, your second job because your dad convinced the finance director at his office that you’d be a hard worker for him for the summer. That was me. What other social capital have I been able to trade on? My parents went to college, as did my older cousins, so they gave me a category for going to college and helped me get in. My friends have given me advice on money management, home ownership, and car insurance. My boss helped me get into a leadership class. Without social capital, I wouldn’t be nearly as smart and my resume not nearly as long.
What about this second kind of social capital: knowing what to do in certain settings? I can’t begin to tell you how many little lessons I and my colleagues have imparted on our students. That you wait until everyone has had their food brought to them before you partake in your meal. How to tie a tie. Why you have to be careful as a young man when it comes to sex. Things many of us learned by watching our parents, or our parents sat us down and schooled us, no matter how awkward the conversation. When you grow up without a dad, you can reach adulthood and not know certain very important social norms. And that can prove to be a harder hurdle to scale than being financial poor.
We like to say at work that until you know, you don’t know. I’m sure glad I’ve had people in my life sit me down and tell me what’s what, or lead by their positive example. So I sure ought to take seriously when I have the opportunity to do the same for people whose lives intersect with mine.
My colleagues and I at work talk a lot about social capital. We use this term somewhat fluidly to mean one of two things: what people you know (i.e. the quality and quantity of your social network) and what etiquette you know (i.e. social norms that allow you to function in society). Many of the students in our program have one or two parents missing from their home lives, and combined with an abysmal public school system and an economically distressed neighborhood translate into a dearth of social capital on both fronts.
Poverty of money and of love are, to be sure, serious obstacles for people to have to overcome. But we take poverty of social capital just as seriously. In life, as in business, it’s who you know that will determine your future opportunities and your future successes. But wait, that seems so slimy, so inauthentic, no? Ah, you are probably someone who is rich in the first kind of social capital. You take for granted that you got your first job because your classmate’s mom runs the catalog department at the local Sears, your second job because your dad convinced the finance director at his office that you’d be a hard worker for him for the summer. That was me. What other social capital have I been able to trade on? My parents went to college, as did my older cousins, so they gave me a category for going to college and helped me get in. My friends have given me advice on money management, home ownership, and car insurance. My boss helped me get into a leadership class. Without social capital, I wouldn’t be nearly as smart and my resume not nearly as long.
What about this second kind of social capital: knowing what to do in certain settings? I can’t begin to tell you how many little lessons I and my colleagues have imparted on our students. That you wait until everyone has had their food brought to them before you partake in your meal. How to tie a tie. Why you have to be careful as a young man when it comes to sex. Things many of us learned by watching our parents, or our parents sat us down and schooled us, no matter how awkward the conversation. When you grow up without a dad, you can reach adulthood and not know certain very important social norms. And that can prove to be a harder hurdle to scale than being financial poor.
We like to say at work that until you know, you don’t know. I’m sure glad I’ve had people in my life sit me down and tell me what’s what, or lead by their positive example. So I sure ought to take seriously when I have the opportunity to do the same for people whose lives intersect with mine.
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