Too Short for a Blog Post, Too Long for a Tweet 467

 

Here are a few excerpts from a book I recently read, "Hard Is Not the Same Thing as Bad: The Perspective Shift That Could Completely Change the Way You Mother," by Abbie Halberstadt.

Our children are not “something bad or unpleasant we are being subjected to,” to borrow from the above definition of suffering. And yet when we view dealing with their more challenging traits as suffering rather than as a hard-but-good opportunity to grow in Christlikeness, we gravitate toward a Motherhood of Martyrdom—an attitude sure to bleed into the way we treat our families. 

As one reader so poignantly put it, “My mother made sure to let us know we were a martyrdom she barely survived. It has been really depressing for us children.” 

I don’t doubt it. Few things crush my spirit as an adult more than being made to feel like a burden, and I’m so glad my own mother understood the importance of regularly speaking to my brother and me with the kind of language that let us know just how wanted and loved and unburdensome we were.

Rather than viewing toddlers as a hammer meant to smash our wills to mother with excellence, may we see them as a form of holy sandpaper, which smooths our sharp tongues and softens our harsh reactions, leaving behind a pliable heart poised toward the truth of God’s mercy, goodness, and love for every sinner, young and old.

When I mentioned how hard it is on a mother’s heart to know she has invested so deeply in her children’s lives only to see them reject all that she holds most dear, Kristy said something truly profound: “Yes, it’s hard on mothers. But what should truly grieve us is that someone we love is in defiance against our God. We cannot allow our feelings or our attachment to make us lose sight of the fact that the true tragedy is our child’s rebellion, not against us, but against God.”