One and One Make One

 

Something I was once taught, and which I still believe to have some truth to it, is the notion of being "equally yoked." It's a Bible concept and a farming analogy, which is that two oxen pulling a plow will, if unequally yoked, be less strong than each on their own, whereas if equally yoked can pull much more than the sum of what each could do on its own. In math terms: 1 + 1 = 3 or more.

Something else I was once taught, and which I also believe to have some truth to it, is that there is a sense in which a flawed person should at least address those flaws before entering into a serious relationship, lest they think that the flaws will magically go away once they're in a relationship or that the relationship will magically overcome those flaws. Said another way, people who are not whole often remain un-whole when entering into a relationship. Or, in math terms: <1 + <1 = <1.

Again, there is some truth to both concepts. But, to counterbalance, I believe that one can go too far with these premises. A relationship formed solely to unlock synergies (1 + 1 = 3 or more) discounts all of the other good things that happen in relationships. And a sense that we cannot benefit from or contribute to a relationship until we are ourselves whole (<1 + <1 = <1) denies the healing and wholeness that can come in a committed relationship.

I will not throw out these concepts entirely. But, I want to supplement them with another equation, which is 1 + 1 = 1. To use another Bible phrase, two people getting married become "one flesh." One person plus one person becomes one unit. Whether that unit is more or less productive than each person alone is not unimportant. Whether each participant in that unit is whole or not is certainly of relevance. 

But sometimes the most important thing is two people committing to a lifelong relationship as a single unit, independent of whether it yields more productivity and in spite of any shortcomings either party has. When one and one make one, I think that's worth celebrating.