Fighting For All to Have the Privilege of Being Your Authentic Self

 

I once heard someone say "how you do one thing is how you do everything." Which is a profound and largely true statement. One manifestation of that, for example, is if you're going in for a job interview and are rude to the receptionist or the janitor, that should tell that employer that no matter how qualified you are on paper or how good you interview, you may not be a good fit for the firm. So I appreciate and generally agree with the sentiment. 

However, many of us are well acquainted with having to do things differently in different settings. Black people refer to "code switching" when describing how they can feel comfortable being a certain way in some spaces but have to be mindfully different in other spaces. As a "hyphenated" American, growing up in an Asian culture at home and being fully immersed in another culture out of the home, it similarly influences you to act differently depending on who you're with. So, in other sense, being able to be the same person no matter where you go, and thus do any one thing how you would do everything, is a form of privilege.

Not that there is anything wrong with privilege per se! Indeed, in this case we would want people to be able to be themselves no matter where they are. And so while I fully respect the need for people to be guarded in certain spaces, I also strive to influence those spaces so that they are more inclusive such that people no longer need to be as guarded.

The combination of the George Floyd murder and the onset of a fully remote world in the beginning of COVID coincided with my being promoted to co-president of my consulting firm. It became important for me to check in with each person in the firm, to make sure they were ok, to let them know I was available to them, and to ask what I could do to make sure they were able to bring their full and authentic selves into their work. I felt that this was needed for people to feel whole, and for the firm to benefit from their whole selves.

This became particularly important at that moment in this country. We have experienced so much trauma around race and identity that it is an open question for everyone to wonder if they are allowed to be their full selves in certain spaces or have to somehow hide those aspects of who they are. And, when working from home, it can be exhausting to have to put on a facade on the screen, in the very space where you are used to being able to let your hair down and be yourself. 

I think people appreciated the outreach, and the invitation to be their full selves. Some demurred, for which I acknowledged that that was fine, understanding that no matter how hard I worked on creating an inclusive culture, it was still ok for people to want to be guarded in how they conducted themselves in that space. 

We are all still working on this. Sadly, very few spaces are truly safe for all. I'm sure I have blind spots or otherwise contribute to spaces not feeling completely welcome. I am learning, as I hope we all are. What a wonderful privilege to navigate the world as your full self without regard to how you will be perceived. What a wonderful aspiration to make more and more of the world a safe enough space for everyone to act in that way.