Novel Coronavirus Musings

Like you, I’ve been gripped by the worldwide pandemic that the novel coronavirus has become over the past few months.  It is the perfect storm that has encompassed every aspect of every life in every corner of the globe.  As such, we are living in dangerous, uncertain, and historic times right now.  Therefore, I’ve asked my kids (who, you might have heard, have a little more time on their hands now that the schools are closed for at least the last two weeks) to journal extensively, even if only recording random mundane thoughts.  These remembrances are part of our surviving now, and will greatly cherished later.

But I myself have not yet heeded that same impulse.  So, at the risk of offending anyone or looking really stupid in a manner of days, I figured I’d share a few stray musings now.  

First, what I won’t do is wade too much into assessments of the performance of our elected officials at the federal, state, and local levels.  To be sure, history will judge our leaders for how they act in moments like this, and there’s nothing wrong with passing judgment in the presence, no matter how little we know and how unprecedented these times are. 

I will say that I have appreciated Mayor Kenney’s honest approach to being our leader here in Philadelphia.  The thing about contagions like COVID-19 is that it is severely unpopular to say, “hey, let’s pump the brakes here.”  We are hard-wired to be utterly fearful of this kind of stuff.  It takes a courageous and level-headed leader to recognize that life is full of trade-offs, and that while it is always good to err on the side of caution, the more you err the more you incur other costs, which therefore must weigh into just how much to err.  I know that these trade-offs weigh heavily on Mayor Kenney, and I appreciate that he’s taking all of these things into account, and especially wondering what is least harmful to the most vulnerable among us in the city.

Indeed, it is times like these that sift us down to what really matters in our lives.  Once again, once taken out of my tightly controlled attempt to manage my crazy life, I am struggling with that feeling of being unmoored of cherished routines.  As much as I want to say I’m not materially oriented, watching my 401k plummet has been more gut-wrenching than I’d prefer to admit.  And as much as I wish I wasn’t so success-oriented or productivity-oriented, it is clear that I cling to those things, because now that they have been ripped away from me, I’m frustrated rather than liberated.

To be sure, I have real worries.  I run a business, and volunteer on a school board, and have bills to pay, and a wife and kids to take care of.  All of these things have gotten a lot harder lately, although I also recognize I am extraordinarily privileged compared with others whose financial situation, health concerns, and family obligations make their situations far more precarious than mine. 

With both my and their concerns in mine, I will admit to wanting to think that all of this is just overblown, to wondering if we’re better off taking the chance with the unknown rather than the known costs of closures and isolation.  I know that preemptive social distancing is for my good and the greater good.  I know that most people at most times in history have had to be used to the daily reality of the possibility of massive disruptions that have nothing to do with them but that they must reorient their lives around at a moment’s notice.  But you’ll forgive me for not being in the mood to scold people for wanting to live their lives, because I get it. 

I’m sure I’ll have more to say in the ensuing days and weeks, but I’ll conclude here.  The irony of a pandemic that has shown just how vast and inter-connected our world is, is that perhaps my biggest takeaway from all of this is how much I love those immediately around me.  All due respect to my extended family, my co-workers, and so many in my social networks, who I adore and who give me life through our interactions.  But, yesterday afternoon, taking Amy and the kids to a nearby playground for some sunlight and fresh air was one of the few sanctioned activities we’ll be allowed.  And there, all alone except just us five, I found myself watching everyone and just smiling.  For just a moment, this worrywart, this future-oriented person, the guy with 1,001 responsibilities weighing heavily on his shoulders…I just forgot everything and thought to myself, I love these guys.  I was able to be in the moment, even for just a fleeting moment. 

My business, our public schools, my stock portfolio, the fate of the world and the city, whether my kids will be ok in the future…these are all still real worries, which I carry with varying levels of peace and faith.  But, if only for a moment, I stood in the sun and just enjoyed being with Amy, Jada, Aaron, and Asher.  And, for that moment, that was enough.  Which, if you have people in your life like this, you can understand.  So, while we’re kicking the crap out of COVID-19, let’s be sustained by that.