Life Lessons

For some reason I feel compelled to get down some thoughts I wish I could go back in time and tell the younger version of me.  Not that I have yet mastered all these lessons.  But at least I see the wisdom in them.  (You will note, and if you know me you will not be surprised, that these life lessons are in pairs, with each set offering a somewhat contradictory but actually balancing perspective.)

1.       Unlike the Olympics, life doesn’t have an adjustment for “degree of difficulty.”  Your clients won’t care if you’re not at 100% for the big presentation because you were up all night with a sick kid.  Your kids won’t care if you missed their big soccer tournament because you’ve been pulling all-nighters for a work deadline.  Your neighbors won’t give you a pass for not cleaning up your front yard because you were away on business.  Your friends won’t give you a pass for not going out with them because you’re trying to get yourself more sleep.  Whether you have a legitimate excuse or any other extenuating circumstances, you’ll be judged on how you do, not how you do relative to those circumstances.

2.       Because of this, self-care becomes all the more important.  After rolling your eyes all these years, you may now rue that Mom isn’t around to harangue you to eat right and tell you you’re wonderful.  So now you need to be your own mom, that steady soft voice that tells you you’re the best, to not be afraid to do your best, and to not get down on yourself if something doesn’t go well.  You will need that unrelenting self-encouragement in the face of all life throws at you.

3.       Be on time and be ready.  The way we make our own opportunities is by being prepared for them, which means showing up on or before something starts, and doing your homework in advance so you can make the most of every situation.  It is also a strong signal of respecting others, that you are letting them know you won’t brook wasting their time by making them wait or not being ready to participate.

4.       Be flexible.  That said, things come up, and there’s no time for “but I wasn’t told that was going to happen” or “but that’s not fair.”  You just roll with it and do your best.  To give but one of many examples I could offer, I was once in charge of planning a big event that revolved around a big name guest.  More times than I can count, my carefully scripted instructions gave way to audibles: when they were late, when they wanted to spend more time at one station, when they chose to skip to something we had planned for the end.  No one cares that this wasn’t in the script, and no one should.  You just run with it. 

5.       Don’t be afraid to feel so strongly about something that you can’t not speak up.  Many boys grow up wanting to be the star clean-up hitter, but I believe that the more applicable life analogy is that we are all pinch-hitters, doing our best to stay focused on the game while waiting for our time at bat.  And when that time comes, will we be ready to take that big swing?  Hone your craft, do your homework, build your case, feel your feels.  And when the moment presents itself, raise your voice. 

6.       But don’t be afraid to change your mind.  No matter how strongly we feel about something, we should never close our minds to the logic, insight, and humanity of other perspectives.  I have lost track of things I believed with all my heart that I now consider to be hopelessly wrong.  Even when we think we’re right, there’s much to be learned by keeping an open mind.  Conversely, there’s nothing gained in refusing to entertain a countering opinion. 

7.       Put yourself in scary places.  Growth doesn’t happen when we do the same thing over and over again, but rather when we mix things up and step out on a limb.  Courage is, after all, not magically extinguishing or ignoring your fears, but being willing to lean into them, sitting in the uncomfortable place long enough to get your bearings and give yourself room to grow.

8.       But also put yourself in the best possible position to succeed.  Shoring up your weaknesses shouldn’t keep you from extending your strengths.  Peer pressure can be a strong countervailing force against standing out in something you are good at.  Find a way to ignore that pressure and learn to embrace your awesomeness.  You are special, and part of how you are special is that there are things you can do better than anyone else in the world.  It’s a gift that is meant to be identified, cultivated, and deployed.  You will be better for it, and so will the rest of us.