2.19.2007

Re: Psychoanalyzing My Hatred of Being Sick

> I hate being sick. Not that others love it, but I really, truly hate
> it. It doesn't help that I'm probably wimpier than others in terms of
> gutting things out when I'm feeling under the weather, but I don't
> think it's just that. I just don't like being sick.
>
> Yet I'm always mindful when I am sick that perhaps there is a lesson
> from God in all this. As the Psalmist sings, "It is good for me that
> I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statues" (Psalm 119:71). I am
> realizing that what I hate about being sick is not being able to
> go-go-go at the pace I'm used to. I'm tough enough that, even if I
> wasn't feeling well, I could still do 70% of what I usually do and at
> 70% proficiency: go to work, be social, tend to things around the
> house.
>
> It's that other 30%, though, that I hate not being able to do:
> exercise, wake up early, pack my schedule, doing everything 30% less
> than the very best. And being sick exposes those things as idols,
> things I'm not OK giving up, even for a few days. The Bible is clear
> that God detests idolatry, and is equally clear that even good things
> can become idols. Like taking care of my body, or making the most of
> my waking hours, or doing my very best.
>
> That's why I get so irritable, so impatient, so flustered when I get
> sick. Because I know I am without the things that define me, and will
> be without them for at least a few days. Perhaps I should be grateful
> for being exposed, grateful for the opportunity to "fast" from the
> good things I've turned into idols, grateful still for the chance to
> reconnect to the One who alone deserves to be God in my life.
>
> And then, Lord, will You help me feel better?
>
Post a Comment