IN THE WORLD BUT NOT OF IT
Today was my first day of school as a full-time grad student. I had an evening class. I was planning on knocking off my housework (i.e. painting our hallway) around 4ish, taking a shower, and having a bite to eat, to leave myself plenty of time and energy to walk to class.
But between the knocking off the housework and the taking a shower, I checked my email and got an important update on our adoption. So I had to tend to that frantically, making my shower, bite, and walk to class much more frenetic.
Nevertheless, I didn’t have to power walk it to make it on time. I was even able to take a couple of bags of plastic containers to the recycling bins on campus before heading to class. It was nice out, and lots of students were milling around the walkways, a stark change from the relative desolation of the summer months.
By the time class ended, it was dark out, and there was a different vibe around campus. I passed by frat boys in backwards baseball caps and flip-flops. Anyone who was walking alone, and some who weren’t, were chattering away on a cell phone. There were eighteen-year-old girls strutting down the walk in low-cut jeans (it is truly a sign that I’ve reached a certain stage in life when my first thought is “I can’t believe what these kids are wearing nowadays” rather than “wow, she’s hot”).
It was the first day of classes, so the frenetic pace wasn’t about studies and exam-related stress, like it will be later on in the semester. Instead, the energy was of young people flitting about in a new, freer social environment, and loving every minute of their college life.
As for me, my mind was on our daughter, and the adoption logistics we need to get through to get her. I thought about needing to buy more paint and what else did I need to add to the grocery list for tomorrow morning and what it will be like to hold our baby for the first time. I calculated that by the time I go to bed tonight, most of the campus will just be “waking up” to the start of their social wanderings; and that by the time I wake up tomorrow, many students will be just then returning from those wanderings.
I felt neither superiority nor envy. Just a sense that on this first day of classes, I might be a student just like everyone else – but I’m really not like anyone else.
Today was my first day of school as a full-time grad student. I had an evening class. I was planning on knocking off my housework (i.e. painting our hallway) around 4ish, taking a shower, and having a bite to eat, to leave myself plenty of time and energy to walk to class.
But between the knocking off the housework and the taking a shower, I checked my email and got an important update on our adoption. So I had to tend to that frantically, making my shower, bite, and walk to class much more frenetic.
Nevertheless, I didn’t have to power walk it to make it on time. I was even able to take a couple of bags of plastic containers to the recycling bins on campus before heading to class. It was nice out, and lots of students were milling around the walkways, a stark change from the relative desolation of the summer months.
By the time class ended, it was dark out, and there was a different vibe around campus. I passed by frat boys in backwards baseball caps and flip-flops. Anyone who was walking alone, and some who weren’t, were chattering away on a cell phone. There were eighteen-year-old girls strutting down the walk in low-cut jeans (it is truly a sign that I’ve reached a certain stage in life when my first thought is “I can’t believe what these kids are wearing nowadays” rather than “wow, she’s hot”).
It was the first day of classes, so the frenetic pace wasn’t about studies and exam-related stress, like it will be later on in the semester. Instead, the energy was of young people flitting about in a new, freer social environment, and loving every minute of their college life.
As for me, my mind was on our daughter, and the adoption logistics we need to get through to get her. I thought about needing to buy more paint and what else did I need to add to the grocery list for tomorrow morning and what it will be like to hold our baby for the first time. I calculated that by the time I go to bed tonight, most of the campus will just be “waking up” to the start of their social wanderings; and that by the time I wake up tomorrow, many students will be just then returning from those wanderings.
I felt neither superiority nor envy. Just a sense that on this first day of classes, I might be a student just like everyone else – but I’m really not like anyone else.
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