Whether you want to chastise me or blame my parents (or the Republicans), I believe strongly that people should work hard for the good stuff they get. I’m not a big fan of undeserved favor, whether you’re talking about a national and theoretical level (arguing socialism versus capitalism, for example) or a local and practical level (deciding how to divvy out rewards to the students in my class, for example).
Of course, there’s a lot to our relationship with God that falls in the category of undeserved favor. But to be honest with you, while I understand the theological mechanics of free grace and have a deep sense of gratitude for God’s love for me, I sometimes struggle to want to be deemed worthy through something I’ve done. Whether it is being moral, hard-working, or selfless, I prefer being able to feel like I’m at least a little deserving of good stuff. I know it’s doctrinally wrong, but this is where I’m coming from.
Which is why experiences of undeserved favor are so healthy for me to receive. For they remind me that I have not merited God’s goodness, and could not ever merit such a goodness. In church this past weekend, as the congregation sang songs of worship to God for His goodness to us, I was overcome with just such a realization of undeserved favor.
As I sang, I felt like a cup that was overflowing, so happy I was for all the ways God is blessing me: a lovely wife, a beautiful baby on the way, all sorts of interesting things going on with work and school. And all things not just good things but direct answers to direct prayers I had prayed over the years, direct testimonies of God’s work in my life and on my behalf.
And my happiness was co-mingled with a deep sense of unworthiness, a sense that there were so many ways in which I was not right with God. I had brushed off such things before as excusable in light of all my positive attributes, but now I owned them for what they really were: offenses in the sight of a just and good God. Where there were stanzas about being thankful for God’s forgiveness, I sung them with meaning, for that meant something to me: yes I need to be forgiven, and yes God has forgiven me.
No matter how moral, hard-working, or selfless we strive to be, we are all undeserving of God’s love and provision. That we can still receive it, that is good news, good news we can experience more deeply when we let go of needing to be deserving on our own.
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